I’m the type of person that worries obsessively about what people think about me.
Oh, I know that sounds a bit cliche. I’m pretty sure almost everyone thinks they worry obsessively about what people think about them. Just like how almost everyone thinks they’re over-sensitive, or random, or fat or awkward or not confident or scatty. Even if they aren’t.
So lately I’ve been worried about how much I worry about what others think about me.
And it’s exhausting.
I have nightmares about it and I struggle to focus on work because my mind goes to that dark place and it makes it impossible to get things done.
I’m re-reading Dale Carnegie’s How To Stop Worrying and Start Living and trying to take a stand to get over myself.
I’m tired of being unable to get myself to be productive and to enjoy my life because I always find myself overthinking even the most insignificant event and punishing myself over it.
Here are some things I like to do and remind myself of to keep the worry at bay.
Stop giving a shit about what others think
1. Remember people are just.. people.
The thought of someone disliking me or saying bad things about me behind my back makes me sick to my stomach.
But, yanno. They’re just humans. And humans are going to bitch, whether you’ve done something wrong or not.
If someone wants to be negative and horrible, then let them be negative and horrible. Because while they’re busy drowning in hate, you’re out there being the best human you can be. High five.
2. The Dr Pepper theory.
What’s the worst that could happen?
If you’re worried that someone is talking about you, ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen?
It’s not going to hurt you, it’s not going to make you ill or make you die.
So they might influence a few other people to think bad things about you. And their thoughts also cannot hurt you.
That’s what negative people do. They want to collect other humans and make them think the same as them, so they can all sit in a big group being negative about other people. Because focusing on one person’s flaws distracts from their own. It makes them feel safe, included and like people are on their side.
We’ve probably all done it. I know I have. And I try my best to stand by morals and let things go, rather than being that type of person.
The only thing I can say is: let them.
3. Believe in karma.
While at school, we’re taught about karma during Religious Studies. If you’re good, you’ll be reborn better off than you’re current life. If you’re bad, you’ll be a spider or a slug or something else shit.
I don’t think you have to wait as long.
If you’re an honest, trustworthy, helpful positive person, then good things will come to you. Because people pick up on that stuff and people like those types of people.
If someone is negative, gossips and backstabs, then eventually things will come around to them. Because people pick up on stuff like that. It might not be instant. But one day someone will call them out on it, or someone of influence will see their negativity, or they’ll gain a reputation for being a plain old meanie.
Just decide what type of person you want to be and focus on what you can control.
4. Avoid nasty people.
If you’re able to cut the people who are causing you this stress out of your life, then do it. Stay away from them and never look back.
If it’s a work colleague or family member, it’s not that simple. The best thing to do is stay professional. Be polite when you need to talk to them but keep your distance.
I’m not a fan of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer because it feels too much like you’re having to be nice to someone that is basically a massive dick.
Your aim is to give them as little reason to talk about you as possible.
5. Be your best self.
We’re emotive creatures that sometimes react without thinking. And we all make mistakes. But that doesn’t make us horrible.
Aim to be the best version of yourself you can be and let the way you see yourself be determined on how much you stick to your values and morals, rather than what other people think.
6. Evaluate your day.
Being going to bed, I like to go through my day and see if there’s anything I would do differently.
Is there anything I reacted to badly, is there anything horrible I said that didn’t need to be said, was there anything I should have done that I didn’t..
I’m not going to lie, it can hurt your heart a little to think about things you’ve done that now cause you guilt.
Did you snap at someone? Did you lose your temper and talk about someone behind their back? Did you not treat someone how you would like to be treated? Did you lie?
It gives me a real sense of things I can do to grow and in turn, be my best self and concern myself less with others feelings towards me.
I’m hoping that telling myself these things will help me realise that
1. People will talk about me, regardless of how nice I am.
2. I just need to be the best me I can.
Do you have any tips to help you stop worrying about what others think?