I’m generally seen as quite a happy person amongst my friends and colleagues, but there are times I do slip into a bad mood. I easily become discouraged and can find myself slipping into a negative state of mind. Once I’m here, everything suddenly turns really shit and there is no hope for happiness ever again. I’m doomed. Life is terrible. I’ll never smile again.
I’ve been practicing trying to choose my attitude. Trying to grab hold of myself and give myself a shake when I feel myself getting into this negative mindset. It’s not an easy thing to change because as well as being an easily discouraged person, I’m also stubborn as a goat.
You have to have the ability to recognise WHEN you are turning into a negative nelly, as well as what is triggering it. Then you have to stop yourself and bring yourself back up. Which can be difficult as when something has really frustrated you, all you want to do is go and moan and bitch and moan and winge about it to your friends. Mardy bum.
Complaining is great!
I don’t know about you, but I love a good moaning session. I love it when I moan and people listen to me and nod and say things like ‘yes Corinne, I agree, Corinne. You are 100% right, Corinne, I can see why you are so upset and mad and angry and that person who made you feel like this is such a terrible person and we all hate them’.
It feels good, doesn’t it, when people confirm that your feelings of annoyance and rage are valid and not illogical? I love how a bit of validation can feel like a warm hug. Nothing is as comforting as somebody saying ‘I know how you feel, I feel frustrated too’.
There are other positive outcomes to a good moan, such as helping you to let go of stress – you know that feeling, like you might explode if you’re unable to vent. Or even better, somebody may hear your complaint and actually doing something about it.
You might even welcome an outsiders perception and need somebody to keep you level minded, or maybe the can even offer you a solution which you haven’t thought of yet.
Even though there are positives to having a good moan, there are also negatives too.
Moaning keeps you in a negative state of mind.
Going over and over the same issue again and again isn’t helping you, but instead, keeping in that negative mindset. If you keep talking about it, overthinking and analysing it, chances are you are just refuelling that anger rather than putting it out.
Negativity breads negativity.
It’s so hard not to slip into that negative mindset when somebody around you is being negative. We have a tendency to join in and share our woes. This can turn a whole group of people into a negative bunch, bringing a nasty atmosphere into whole teams of people.
Not only can it spread those nasties across to others, but it can often influence and almost manipulate other people who were generally quite okay with a situation/person to agree with you, thus changing their perception of something or even some one.
I’d be perfectly honest if I said I’ve never used complaining about something as a way to get somebody to come over to my side. It seems to be quite a natural human reaction to want to ‘recruit’ others to our side.
People will perceive you as a negative person.
Not everyone has that urge to complain. Or if they do, they won’t generally be that bothered about listening to somebody moan about something they have no emotional connection with or don’t understand. You’ll end up just looking like somebody that complains a lot, which isn’t a very nice trait to have and could damage your reputation at work.
Things to do instead of complain.
If you’re wondering how to be more positive, read these for ways you can can do to stop being so negative about things.
1. Change your perspective.
Now this is a magic one. You might need to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes if somebody has done something that’s irritated you. Sometimes we’re only capable of seeing things from our point of view and we’re looking after our own needs and priorities. We can be driven by greed and selfishness so it’s sometimes good practice to step back and consider if you’re being negative for the right reasons or not.
Also, if you don’t like somebody or you’re already in a bad mood, you might be taking your anger out on a situation that wouldn’t usually be a problem. Just take a step back and make sure you’re not being a massive dick 🙂
2. Do something about it.
I get really annoyed if somebody constantly moans about something but then makes no attempt to change their situation. If somebody is doing something that’s really having a negative impact on your mood, have that conversation with them. If you hate your job, figure out if you can put a plan in place to make it more enjoyable, or apply for other jobs.
Sometimes we stay in nasty situations because we believe it will be more painful to take those steps get out of it than it would be to keep things the same.
A lot of people don’t like confrontation or breaking ties/relationships with people. Or they are scared of leaving their comfort zone and going for an interview and being the ‘newbie’ at a new job.
When you’ve done the hard part, you’ll just think to yourself ‘why didn’t I do that sooner?’.
3. Focus on something positive.
Recognise that focusing and going over and over those annoyances won’t help your mood. Instead, focus on those positive things in life. Weather it’s a holiday you’ve got next year, what you’re doing on your next day off. Or that friend that makes you do those really deep belly laughs.
You have to think about what brings you out of that bad state of mind and really realise that wallowing is only doing one thing: stealing away the amount of time you have to be happy.
You have to make and find your own happiness. You have the most control over your emotions, not anybody else.
4. Look at pictures of kittens.
He’s called Hugo, btw, and I love him.