A lot of people often describe me as being motivated. Or determined.
LOL SUCKAS. I’m none of those things.
Really, I just have a massive ego and I’m stubborn as fuck. I’ve just managed to channel this ugly characteristic into something a little more positive.
Oh, and I’m not saying this is easy to do. Because it’s not at all. Going away from my instinctive behaviours is hard. But it makes me feel like a better human.
How I’m stubborn and why it sucks.
My stubbornness manifests itself in a few ways.
Some examples are that once I’ve made my mind up about something, I will not change my mind. I will argue until I am blue in the face, even if I start to secretly think I’m wrong. I’ll still argue my original point, which makes not only look like a dick. but means I don’t always open my mind to something that could be really great.
Another example could be that I hate being controlled.
I hate it when people tell me what to do. Classic example would be when I was a kid and I was going to tidy my room later that day – then my Mum would tell me I need to tidy my room an hour or so before I was already going to, I would instantly decide that I wasn’t going to tidy my room anymore. Stop telling me what to do, women. Who do you think you are? You can use this example with anything – even at work – if someone tells me to do something that I was already going to do – I get annoyed and feel like I don’t want to do it anymore.
There are even examples of where my stubbornness made me really ill, like when it got me down to 6 and a half stone, refusing to listen to any reason and doing the total opposite to anything a doctor or dietician would tell me. Lollzz I once argued with a dietician about how bad carbs are. Yarp. I’m an idiot. But that’s a whole different story.
It’s like an internal battle between doing what my ego is telling me, and doing the right thing.
How I channel it into something positive.
Meet the better looking sister of Stubbornness – Determination.
I like to think of myself as determined, rather than stubborn. The stubbornness that keeps me from backing down in an argument can also be the same passion that stops me from quitting.
There are many times in my life that I’ve kept at something, kept pushing myself, driven by not wanting to be proved wrong or not wanting to fail. Here are some examples:
Stopped smoking out of stubbornness.
I smoked for 10 years. I wanted to stop so many times. There was a time I stopped for a year and started again. Times I stopped for a few months and started again.
I hated it. It’s such a dirty habit and I remember feeling ashamed when people found out I smoked. It stinks too, which is something you don’t notice until you stop and start to smell it on other smokers. I also wanted to quit because I didn’t want to die. Dying is scary because it means that everything is over and I’m not ready for it to be over.
I decided to quit smoking in October 2013 when I did Stoptober – the national stop smoking for a month challenge.
My store manager at the time said I wouldn’t be able to stop. He said I’d be smoking again in a couple of weeks.
Challenge accepted. 2 and a half years later, I am not comfortably a non-smoker.
I only intended to try eating a vegetarian diet for a week to see if it made me feel better health wise. People at work said I wouldn’t be able to do it.
Guess who is still a vegetarian!
Worked out for months without a break.
In 2015, I worked out every day for almost 4 months. That momentum of going every single day just felt like a massive achievement to me.
Some days were just a 30 minute low intensity yoga session – but still, I committed and I was determined to make it work for me!
I’ve blogged daily for over 2 years. I also run two other blogs.
At this moment in time, I can see myself continuing this for the next few years at least. I sometimes don’t know how I do it, I know for sure other people don’t know how I do it. But I do.
I feel like if I missed a day, it would be the end of the world.
I know one day I’ll have to stop daily blogging and I know it will be a massive decision for me that I’ll have to think about for a long time before I take that step. I can’t even. No.
End of the world. Can’t stop. Help.
How do you make your worst qualities work for you?
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