Losing a loved one is never easy, and even more so if it’s an unexpected loss. In those instances, it can feel as if you’ve lost one of your anchoring pillars and that the world has opened up beneath your feet.
There’s no shortcut to healing from grief. It’s simply something that you have to go through. With that said, there are ways to make the journey more bearable. In this post, we’ll run through some strategies for dealing with grief that should help with the coping and healing process.
Give Yourself Time and Space
There’s no right way to grieve. Some people have delayed grief, in which the emotional impact of the loss arrives at a later date. For others, it’s immediate. Giving yourself the time and space to go through the grieving process your way, rather than grieving in a way that you think you should, can be a good source of comfort. It’ll take however long it takes — the important thing is that you’re gentle and allow yourself to feel the things that you need to feel.
Managing the Essentials
The loss of a loved one can rock a person’s foundations. In those moments, it can be difficult to even think about carrying on as normal — and nor do you need to.
However, it is recommended to prioritise taking care of life’s essentials when you’re going through the grieving process. That can involve eating enough healthy meals, getting some exercise (even if it’s just a walk around the block), and getting enough rest/sleep. Doing those things won’t make the grief go away, but they can help prevent you from falling into a more severe state of despair.
Lean on Your Support Network
Your support network can be anyone you’re close to — family members, friends, neighbours, or even work colleagues. Losing a loved one is a universal experience, with 72% of the UK population experiencing a loss in the past five years. That means that there’ll be people who you wouldn’t ordinarily class as being in your support network will know what you’re going through, and will be more than happy to help you.
If someone offers to provide meals, take care of essentials, or simply provide a sympathetic ear, then there’s value in taking them up on their offer. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time, connecting with others in this way can be a great source of comfort.
It’s also recommended to make an extra effort to stay close to your close family/friends who are also going through the grieving process. Your emotional state will put you inward, but there’s power in connecting with people who are going through the same thing, even if you’re doing little more than silently sitting together.
Saying Goodbye
Grief is a powerful and often uncomfortable emotion. The funeral, often considered simply a formality, offers a tremendous opportunity to move to the next stage of grief. In addition to providing a chance to say a real goodbye, funerals also bring people together and provide space to cry, share memories, or simply celebrate the life of the person you’ve lost. Funerals usually take place between 1 – 3 weeks after death, which can seem like too short of a period to organise everything, but working with experienced funeral directors can ensure that everything runs smoothly on the day. With the arrangements taken care of, you can focus your energy on deciding what (if anything) you’ll say.
Find an Outlet
Grief can feel like a bottle that’s filled to the brim and which needs to be opened. Finding an outlet can be an excellent strategy for releasing your emotions — and even uncovering feelings that might have been existing just below the surface. There’s no right or wrong creative outlet to use. It’s whatever works for you. If you don’t have much experience with outlets, then start with journaling. Writing down a few pages about what you’re feeling can really help to make sense of what you’re going through. You may also consider painting, drawing, or writing music. Ultimately, choosing a creative exercise is a way to channel your grief into something else.
Avoiding Short-Term Pleasures
Many people drink alcohol or use other substances as a way to avoid the pain of the grieving process. However, it’s important to remember that using substances to numb the pain of loss is an unhealthy coping mechanism. It also only works on a temporary basis, and so instead of avoiding or minimising the pain, it’s more correct to say that alcohol and drugs help to delay the pain. While it can be difficult, it’s recommended to avoid (or at least minimise) using alcohol until you feel more emotionally stable.
Seeking Additional Support
Most people find that, over time, they learn to live with their grief, but there are instances when professional help may be required. There’s no hard-and-fast rule about when it’s appropriate to seek out a therapist or grief counsellor. If you think then you would benefit from speaking to someone, then it’s worth exploring.
Other signs that you or a loved one should seek professional support include:
- You have trouble managing everyday tasks, such as eating or sleeping, for weeks or months.
- You don’t feel you’re making progress with your grief.
- The death has triggered other emotional or mental traumas.
- You’re not processing the death well.
Honour Your Loved One’s Memory
One of the toughest things about losing a loved one is believing that they’ve left you. But that’s not the case. Their body may have left you, but the love, memories, and wisdom you shared remain — in that sense, they’re still very much alive within you.
Honouring your loved one’s memory can be a pleasant way to keep them in this world and ensure that they’re never far from your thoughts and heart, which can do wonders for making grief easier to manage. Plant a tree in their name, create a memory book, and continue their traditions, and you’ll always be able to access their spirit.