As I’m standing at the kitchen sink washing up for the third time today, I hear the all-familiar thud of shoes on the floor. My toddler is emptying the shoe rack again and I know when I intervene with his plan to find the tastiest shoes to put in his mouth, he will have a meltdown.
Sometimes, I feel like this is how I spend all of my time. Trying to stop my child from doing something dangerous or messy, then he gets upset when I step in. Earlier today I was going through the same old motions of tidying toys away for them to be pulled out again within ten minutes. I was getting a bit annoyed about the repetitiveness of it all. And then it hit me.
I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am at home with my 18-month-old, helping him navigate his early years. I have my dream job of being a full-time blogger and working when it suits our family. The biggest problem in my life is that my child has taken a few pairs of shoes off the shoe rack. Oh, and he keeps poking the cat.
I have to remind myself often that I’ve built a life I love and I should be enjoying it. I should be taking in all the moments as time is going by so quickly.
One day, Leo will be much older and he will not need me. He will be at school all day and our worlds will begin to separate as he meets new friends and makes memories. He will grow in new directions without me. Away from me.
Today, I am his world but it won’t always be like this.
He’s lying next to me asleep right now. His little hand is on my stomach. He has to touch me or he wakes up. He’s going through a clingy stage and needs to be in contact with me at all times. I feel touched out a lot but one day I will miss this.
Dreaming of what’s next
I’ve always been a driven person. I love goals and working towards things so it’s natural I’m always looking for the next thing. I’m dreaming big. I want a bigger house and garden and to be amazing at the piano and I want financial freedom. I want to be able to relax.
But while dreams are great for keeping us motivated to learn and grow, they can steal the joy away from the present. I always feel like my life is a work in progress. Of course, we can always improve but I struggle to feel happy in my current life. I find myself stuck in the mindset of ‘I’ll be happy when….’ and then I move the goalposts constantly.
And I hate that.
Slow down, you’re doing fine
My life is actually pretty good and I do not appreciate it enough. I’m always comparing myself to others or wishing I was better in some way or another.
I probably am at the best time of my life right now. I can see myself looking back at this time and getting annoyed at myself for looking too far in the future instead of being present. I have to admit – I’m not usually into the whole mindfulness movement, but I feel like today I really need a bit of self-reflection.
This is just a reminder to myself and everyone else who needs to hear it:
Enjoy yourself as you are right now. Live life in the moment and appreciate the present. Life just goes so quickly and there is no joy in always wishing to be at the next stage.
With that in mind, I’m going to close my laptop and cuddle up to my beautiful baby boy.
Tell me what you appreciate about your life right now.