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On friendships as an adult

Being an adult in my 30’s, I’ve managed to collect many humans along the way that I consider good friends. People that I care deeply…


Being an adult in my 30’s, I’ve managed to collect many humans along the way that I consider good friends. People that I care deeply about and hope they will stay in my life forever.

One thing I’ve been struggling with lately is keeping in touch with all of my friends. Every so often I get this pang of guilt that I’ve not made enough effort. Usually when I see them post something on social media or something reminds me of them.


I have lots of different friendship groups. Old work friends, old internet friends, blog friends, university friends and they are all over the country. I find myself going through phases where I talk to one person a lot but then that fades out. Then I’m talking to someone else a lot and although this isn’t intentional at all, I think it’s more that something is going on in one of our lives which is leading to conversation more often, but it still leaves me feeling guilty.

In this day and age, we have mostly keep in touch on our phones. We have group chats, we have our friends we message every thought to, even down to the stupid things have just happened and won’t matter in an hour. I have friends that relate to different interests of mine or life stages and milestones. All of my friends are important to me in very different ways.

I have a long list of people I’d love to be able to talk to every single day but I’m not able to spend that much time on my phone.

It makes me feel guilty because I want to keep up with every single one of my friends but I can’t!

This feeling is total mind talk because I’ve never had anyone be off with me or tell me I’m a terrible friend and when I reach out to people they always reply to me.

When you are younger, friendships are fickle and you have your best friend or your friendship group and it’s almost as if you’re not allowed to be friends with others. In my school, you would get accused of ‘taking off’ if you did that, it was a big no-no that showed you’re not a loyal person.

When you are older that doesn’t matter as much. There isn’t a feeling ‘possession’ over friends where you want them all to yourself. I’m wondering if that’s where this feeling has come from – as growing up being a good friend was always being around.

As you grow up you can’t do that as you have work, family, often live far apart.

I’ve lost contact with a lot of my school friends and that really pains me. There is one I message from time to time but I don’t really know how to reach out to the others.

Anyway, I am babbling now.

In short – I have too many friends and not enough time but I want to have time for everyone.

I know that’s not a terrible place to be in, it just causes me guilt! Can anyone else relate?


  1. My sad realisation is that I only have two close friends now, and I barely have time to see them. It was a bit of a shock when we wrote our wedding guest list and I realised my nearest and dearest make up only 20% of the list!

  2. all i do now is lose friends. lol. no one bothers keeping in touch with me so i reciprocate the same. {:

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