Growing up, my best friend was skinny and clever. She had neat handwriting and a sister.
I was always a bit frumpy and being the youngest in my year, I struggled in school until I hit my teens. Being left handed and dyslexic made my writing scruffy and being blessed with three older brothers who love to call me Furby face and freak show left me longing for a sister.
I was jealous of her.
This kind of comparison and longing for the things that others have has carried on throughout my whole life. It’s led to me being very self-critical and if I’m in the wrong mindset, this is dangerous.
I’ve always been a black and white person. All or nothing. There’s no middle ground. So I either am very harsh on myself for not measuring up to others or I channel that negative energy into being on the verge of obsessive in how I’m going to mould myself in this perfect form I see in others.
Things I find hard seem to come naturally to others. I often want to chuck myself to the floor and scream ‘It’s not fair’ like a petty child.
I mean, I could do that. But what I could also do is realise that it’s stupid and self-destructive to compare yourself to others and figure out what you’re going to do to stop it. Because I’m 30 years old and if I’m not going to make an active change, then I’m going to spend my life feeling miserable.
I often find myself this way with blogging. My photos aren’t good enough. My topics aren’t very interesting. I didn’t get invited to that event. I’ve not had enough sponsored posts this month.
So for my own benefit, I wanted to write a post to remind myself to stop comparing myself to others.
Other’s success is nothing to do with you.
This is where a lot of us go wrong – we see the opportunities that others are getting and find it demotivating. Thing is, that’s nothing to do with you.
If someone is doing better than you, it doesn’t make you inferior. Just like if someone fails, it doesn’t make you superior. We all have self-worth and it doesn’t go up and down depending on the self-worth of others.
Why are you insecure?
If you’re comparing yourself to someone constantly, it usually means you’re insecure about something. Find out what that is and find out to improve it.
For example, I’ve been feeling really lousy about my photos for months. I’ve not changed my setup in years and I felt like I was just taking okay photos and not making any effort to improve. Then I would see my friend’s amazing photography and feel a pang of jealousy. I can’t do that. My photos are dull. My photos aren’t as in focus. I don’t have pretty props.
After months of feeling shit about it, I decided to do something about it and change my photo style on my blog and my Instagram. It’s a work in progress still, but I’ve been a lot happier since.
So whether you’re jealous of photography, writing, style, blog theme or topics – take some time out to look at yourself and research.
There are so many articles and videos to help you improve. So use them and stop being so critical.
Only compare you to you.
We’re all in a constant state of change and improvement. We all start somewhere. You can’t compare your 3-month-old blog to someone else’s blog of three years.
With that being said, we all change and grow in different ways at different times. Just because someone has only been blogging a year and has a perfect blog (in your opinion) doesn’t mean you’ll be at the same stage in the same about of time.
It’s fine to look to others for inspiration, but it’s not okay to copy. Learn the difference.
Compare your blog with your blog months and years ago to see how far you’ve come and what you have learnt.
Don’t believe all you see on social media.
If I have a shit day at work, or I’m feeling down, I am not going to talk about it on social media. Just like I wouldn’t go to work and tell everyone my problems, I’m not down with sharing that on social media, either. So what you see on social media is the best of me. Happy. Problem free.
While some do like to complain about their lives on social media, some people believe this makes them more real, I don’t. It’s my personal choice not to share every aspect of my life.
So when you see someone’s perfect Instagram feed and blog, don’t assume they do it all effortlessly without any problems. Also don’t assume they never have bad days, either. Not everyone wants to share the negative things and it’s wrong to think someone owes their followers that.
Follow those that inspire you.
Fill your Twitter, Instagram and Bloglovin’ feed with people that inspire you. When you scroll through your feed, you want to feel the urge to create something as beautiful yourself.
If you find yourself just feeling jealous – you need to either take a break or work out what needs to change so you can stop feeling like this. Whether it’s something in your mindset or a goal you need to set to improve your blog.
Do you find yourself comparing yourself to others?