Being Shy vs Being Rude

Some people don’t like me because I’m antisocial. I laughed this one when someone told me. Because that’s the type of person I am. I’ve…


Some people don’t like me because I’m antisocial.

I laughed this one when someone told me. Because that’s the type of person I am.

I’ve created a persona where I openly admit to being anti-social, to being awkward and to hating everyone.

I have a persona where I don’t care.

So of course, when someone revealed to me that some people don’t like me because I’m antisocial, my response was typical:

LOL. Don’t care.

We then both laughed it off.

When I got home that night, I felt a little sad.

Not so much that these people didn’t like me. More because the lack of control I have over changing the way I am. That the way I am comes across as anti-social and rude and there is nothing I can do about it.

Well, I am sure there are some things I could do, but it is outside of my comfort zone and goes against my natural nature.

Some people amaze me. The type of people that can walk around and say good morning to everyone. It reminds me of TV shows or the movies, where popular people walk into a room and everyone says HI to them and it seems amazing. Like they’re famous, all glowy and happy and everyone wants to talk to them.

When I walk into a room, I never know where to look and struggle between avoiding everyone and trying to make eye contact with someone and do an awkward smile.

In new social situations, I find myself thinking too much about my body language that I can’t follow the conversation. I’m making sure I’m making eye contact but not staring. I try to smile, but not too much. I don’t want to look bored or open but I can’t concentrate on this and follow the conversation, never mind contribute.

I’m aware I come across bored, like I don’t care. Rude.

But the truth is I’m just shy and I have trouble connecting with unfamiliar people.

I’m 30 years old and I don’t know what to do about it.


  1. I can totally get what you mean! I get shy in front of new people I’ve never met before, which can come off as rude. If they don’t want to take the time to get to know you properly and understand that you’re shy but not rude, then it’s their loss x

    Everything But The Kitchen

  2. Ahh! I am a very shy person in real life and often come across as rude because I just can’t find the words to speak….I have tried not to be shy but I can’t change who I am.
    You seem like such a lovely person. I hope people give it time to get to know you properly x

  3. I understand. I have a mild social anxiety and sometimes it might considered rude when in fact I’m not, I just need a minute of break because it’s too much. I’m fine in small groups, but when it’s loud and a crowd I need time off, a minute or even less. It helped me realize that I have social anxiety, because I can adjust my response if I’m considering how it looks. It will not work every time, but it works.

  4. I can understand this. Depending on the situation, I can be really shy. I can feel sick having to talk in front of people, but getting on stage to perform in plays and stuff was easier. I’m quiet meeting people, but then bubbly after. But, I feel sick before I meet someone. It comes and goes, but people can think I’m rude,but I try not to be so shy. I am pushing myself to just be more out there and confident x

  5. Everyone is different and everyone should accept that! So don’t let anyone make you feel sad or crappy because they don’t understand you! There is nothing wrong with being shy and why should you do something or talk to someone that makes you feel uncomfortable just for their benefit? Do what makes you happy with the people who make you happy. You shouldn’t have to change for anyone, unless it’s yourself! <3

    Sarah 🙂

  6. Hi, are you me?

    People look at my RBF and combine that with my no-eye contact thing and the whole i-don’t-speak-to-strangers thing and put two and two together, making me “scary”.

    In reality, I’m just super awkward.

    Funny thing is, I can pull my ‘bar staff’ personality out and I’m a social butterfly. She can talk to anybody and she doesn’t care.

    I do though.

  7. Aw Corinne I totally get what you mean! I feel sad that you feel like this, but I think because you’re quite open about being shy nobody would ever think you are rude because they know you’re shy – does that make any sense?! I sometimes overthink situations afterwards and think I probably came across as rude because I’m shy but sometimes it’s just difficult to not come across that way when you’re not a naturally confident/outgoing person.
    Amy xx

  8. I think some people are just born to be a speaker and leader. And I think there’s nothing wrong with not sacrificing our comfort zone just to please others.

    Anyway, the opposite thing happened to me. People often thinks I am shy when the truth is I don’t just care when it comes to small talks and being warm and friendly.I sometimes let situations become awkward and I don’t even care. Haha. My work is related to customer service though so I don’t have any other choice but pretend to be warm and friendly.

    – Gretch of GG Memochou

  9. I used to be painfully shy, walking in a room of strangers I wanted the floor to open up and eat me. What I started doing was turning the focus onto doing one thing, taking the attention of myself (my body language, what people would be thinking etc) and entered intentionally saying good morning, afternoon etc etc. It takes practice. You might say you don’t care but you do really at some level. Your not antisocial the fact that you write a blog and have people reading it shows your interesting and someone people like interacting with. Maybe taking some of those skill offline would help you. It is hard though Lucy x

  10. oh, i wholeheartedly relate to this. i am so unsociable and people often see that as me being rude or shy when actually i’m neither. and it really is hard to change! i used to be really sociable when i was younger and at some point just decided i didn’t like people, and now that i’d like to go back to my old more sociable self at least a little, i find myself a little sad when it’s just not the way i am anymore and there’s little i can do about it. connecting with people irl is something i’m not good at either, but i think the only thing you can do is keep pushing yourself and making small changes until you feel more comfortable:-) xx

  11. I think, as with most things, practice makes perfect! Practice saying good morning to people you run into. You’ll find that more often than not, they’ll warmly greet you, too. 🙂

  12. I’m 33 and can totally relate to this. I am forever awkward in social situations and may come across rude, but as you say, I’m just shy. I’m generally checking everyone out in the room, the exits, the loo, the bar. Haha!

    I wouldn’t say there;s anything wrong by it, nor should you feel to change, it’s just you and there are plenty of people out there exactly the same.


  13. oh, I am exactly the same.People always call me rude or bitch for not having much conversation but I am too awkward or shy to try to start a conversation. I really wish I was outgoing and talkative. It’s been one year since I started university yet I don’t have any friends as I simply can’t stop feeling awkward and never know what to do or say to make the situation less awkward.

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