This post has been written to make you laugh. Sensitive people may be offended, so please click away now if you are easily offended. Because I love you and don’t want to make you sad. Don’t hate me please.
Since I was recently called a bully on Twitter when some girl left a nasty comment one of my blog posts about how ‘95% bloggers have a typical cliche thing going on’, I thought I’d live up to my name of being a massive bitch by finally publishing this post that’s been in my drafts for months.
Hope you are amused. Even if only slightly.
Shit Bloggers Say
You don’t need to spend loads of money on an expensive camera! A phone camera will do!
But most bloggers who say this do actually own a DSLR. I only know, personally, of one blogger that uses her phone to take photos and takes some damn good ones, too.
I have to admit that I’m a bugger for this one. I spent £350 on a DSLR after only 4 months blogging. I used it on auto mode for about 8 months before I bothered to learn how to use it.
How you spend your money is up to you and if you have £350 to spend on a camera and it makes you happy, then buy it. I always say that we work hard to buy things we want. Don’t, however, buy one on credit or buy one if you’re not going to commit to spending a few hours getting to know the settings and how it works.
I don’t care about stats. I blog because I love it.
I hear this one a lot. Fair enough if you do, but there is often a lot of passive aggressiveness in comments like this suggesting that you’re not blogging for the right reasons if you care about stats.
Blog for whatever reason you want, Brah. Remind me to never say Brah again. It reminds me a bit of bra. Yay boobs.
I hate it when people ask for a follow for follow!
Sadly, a lot of us have been guilty of this in the past. My first 6 months of blogger were very much follow-for-follow. I saw other people do it and thought that was what people do! ‘I love your blog, would you like do to follow each other on GFC, let me know if you follow and I’ll follow you right back!’.
I had so many comments like that. I see the same thing happening in the YouTube community now. I had one vlog that had about 20 comments saying they had subbed to me and invited them to sub back. I did not. Because I’m all old and wise now.
I only write when I feel inspired. I don’t want my blog to sound forced!
How many times have you sat down and banged your head on the desk trying to think of a topic? We’ve all had writer’s block and tried to overcome it. There’s no shame in forcing a blog post out.
Sometimes you SHOULD force one out. Like when you’ve agreed to work with a brand. Or you’ve not blogged for a bit and want to get back in the game.
Sometimes all it takes is to sit down and force out a few sentences until you get in the groove.
I ALWAYS wear dresses!
LOL THIS IS ME. But I spend about 30% of my time in workout clothes and the 60% of my time in PJs. My life is a lie. Don’t care.
It’s so important to remove your makeup every night!
I get drunk often and do not do this.
I don’t care how many followers I have
This is another common thing bloggers say. But then all the tweets like ‘OMG, only 4 away from 500! Follow me’
I did this when I got to 10k then someone unfollowed me. I know who you are. Bastard.
It’s so annoying when people brag about their blogger mail.
But then snap chat is full of blogger mail unboxing. I have no idea how to do this without sounding braggy. I like watching blogger mail videos. But then why is it also annoying? Solve this for me please.
Maybe I’m jealous. Don’t care.
It’s important to be professional on Social Media!
Then there’s people like me that say stuff like this. Then every time Hermes put my package in my dirty bin, or my Virgin Media Internet cuts out again, I’m straight on the tweeter bitching them out.
We should laugh at ourselves more. It’s fun. And we can all be hypocrites sometimes.