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My two favourite jokes

I’ve got two jokes. The moment someone I know is having a bad day, or are in a bad mood, the first thing I say…



I’ve got two jokes.

The moment someone I know is having a bad day, or are in a bad mood, the first thing I say is: DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?

Of course, they say yes. Because everyone loves a good joke.

Then I started with a joke my housemate told me years ago.

Why do the baker’s hands smell? 

They never know. I’m really bad at telling jokes so by this point, I’m crying with laughter before I’ve even said the punch line.

The laugh, naturally, because I’m hilarious. Then I’m like DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER JOKE?’

YES YES, they say.

Now this is one I have trouble telling. I tried to tell it to my manager once in the middle of one of my performance reviews and before I even finished asking the question, I had tears down my face because I was laughing so much.

don't want to adult

Right, are you ready for this one?

What do you call a cross between a pig and a dinosaur?

Again, they don’t know because it’s a very clever joke. I deliver the punch line and lolz. The reactions are mixed between ‘haha’ and ‘that’s so terrible it’s funny’.

I’ve always like telling jokes. When we used to go on holiday in Devon, we would go to the same caravan park. On the evening, they had the typical entertainment in the on-site pub. Kids entertainment, then bingo, then some typical British holiday type entertainment. A psychic, Jake the Peg, a magician, a Caberet..

One of the kid’s entertainments was joke telling. Each kid would tell a joke down the mic and the joke that got the most cheers won a prize.

So I got up there one year and was like:

Why did the skeleton run up the tree?


because the dog was after his bones!


I got a wonderful applause and then won. My prize was a box of smarties.

The following year, my friend and her family came to the holiday park with us. I came equipped with a new joke and because my friend’s little brother didn’t have one, I was kind enough to let him use dog and bone joke from the previous year.

I didn’t win that year, but he did!


What’s your favourite joke?

PS the answers are:

1: Because he kneaded a poo.

2: Jurassic pork.

Thank you and good night.



  1. hahaha! That did make me chuckle! My favourite joke has to be:
    Where do cows go on a Saturday night?
    To the mooovies.

  2. Haha, they were great!! I always laugh at ridiculous jokes, like why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? To get Pooh. But, I like ones that can make me cry with laughter!! We need more laughter x

  3. My absolute favourite.. One that gets me howling in laughter before I even finish it…

    How many tickles does it make an octopus laugh?

    Ten Tickles!

  4. You built the suspense well and great selection of jokes. Your so kind to give your jokes away to someone else and gracious to let them win lucy x

  5. hah the Jurrassic pork one made me giggle! I still remeber my sister telling her first joke, which made no sense but she was so proud of it. I look forward to hearing the boys first jokes 🙂

    I struggle with telling jokes, I always laugh before the punchline too. Often I laugh so much it’s hard to get the funny parts out!

  6. My favourite joke came out of a Christmas cracker a few years ago. It’s one of those jokes that’s so bad it’s funny and creases me up when I try to tell it.

    What do you call a French man in sandals?
    Phillippe Philloppe !!

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