lifestyle

Doctor Doom

fear of the doctor

I’ve recently had to make a couple of trips to the Doctor. Which always terrifies me.

I hate going to the doctors more than going to the dentist. Or doing a talk in front of loads of people. Or hoovering a spider when I’m all on my own.

HATE IT. A lot.

& I have a feeling I’m not going to be the only one. Holla at me if you have Doctor Doom.

I’m the type of person that will struggle on and pretend I’m okay until I’m basically dead because of the dead has spread and got so bad and made me dead.

Calling the doctors for an appointment is a huge ordeal in itself. If I wasn’t already dead by this point, I would die from the fear.

fear of doctors

As thankful as I am for the NHS, it’s so difficult getting an appointment within a week. And because I am already dead, I can’t risk waiting a week and chance becoming more dead.

Emergency on the day appointments are a God send. But getting one isn’t easy.

Wait, I mean, it is easy. You just ask for one. But I’m nervous about calling up and asking for one. After staring at the phone for 10 minutes I finally bite the bullet and ask for an appointment. An emergency appointment.

The receptionist down the phone gasps.

‘Is this a medical emergency?’, she says. And then I start to doubt how dead I am. I mean, I’m pretty dead and I think if I waited another 7 days for a normal appointment I would be proper RIP dead. But I’m doubting my dead self and have remind myself to stop being stupid and say YES THIS IS AN EMERGENCY FOR I AM DEAD.

That’s the easy part over, now I have to deal with my brain.

It’s funny how I go between the extremes. Oh wait, did I say funny? I meant distressing.

On one hand, I panic that they’ll be nothing wrong with me and they’ll be mad at me for wasting an appointment. Then I’ll leave feeling like an idiot that is dead but nobody believes me so how will I ever feel better again? Death for days. Months. Years.

Am I the only one one that worries too much about people I don’t know or care about thinking bad things about me? It’s madness, amirite?

Or I panic that they are going to say I am seriously ill and need to get to the hospital ASAP for a brain scan and then they’ll tell me I have 2 days to live.

scared of going to the doctor

When I had vertigo, I was so sure this was going to happen. I didn’t know what vertigo was. I thought there was something wrong with my head (which, contrary to popular belief, is perfectly fine). I scheduled some blog posts for when I was rushed to the hospital for a brain scan before I called. I cried when she said there were no appointments. Then she told me about EMERGENCY APPOINTMENTS after I sobbed about not being able to cope. I went to the Doctors and prepared myself for the worst.

Not expecting to leave with just a prescription and be told to rest and cope back in 2 weeks if it’s not better. I kind of felt like there should have been more to it.

It’s enough to make me want to pay for my own private treatment, like at The Christie Clinic to avoid the long waiting lists and get a diagnosis that doesn’t seem rushed.

My most recent experiences were okay, actually. I mean, apart from the fact that I had to go back because my antibiotics didn’t work and my bladder infection turned into a severe kidney infection and I had to take time off work and was told to go to A&E ASAP if it gets any worse.

Yeah, apart from that, the doctor was nice.

I always feel like they are downplaying my illness when I go. Like the time I had an ear infection for a month because they kept telling me there was nothing wrong. It kept spreading from one ear to the other and I was grumpy as fuck for weeks.

There’s a point to this post, I swear.

I think the point is the difference between my nicer Doctor experience and my previous one was me.

I often feel afraid to self-diagnose. Because I’m sure Doctors hear it all the time ‘I read on Google that it’s this’. Oh, the eyes that roll. But I was honest. I went in and said:

OI DOC. I think I have a water infection. I read on the NHS website to give it a few days to clear up and if it doesn’t come see you and hello here I am.

I was really honest about my symptoms, too. Resisting the urge to downplay it.

It seemed to work because it was a quick appointment and I left feeling satisfied, rather than leaving feeling like I wasn’t taken seriously and hadn’t had my health issues dealt with.

Well, satisfied until the whole kidney infection and almost collapsing at work thing lololol.

But yeah. I think I’ve kind of cracked the going to the Doctor. Now that I’m older and have a job I’ve realised that I need to get treated right away. Because there’s no rest for the wicked. And I’m really wicked.

How do you feel about going to the Doctor?

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1. noun: a female blogger that writes about her own experiences, observations and opinions. 2. verb: to act like a complete idiot or to do something stupid. e.g: She did a Corinne.

12 Comments

  • Amber

    I actually have a post in my drafts folder on this very subject, which I’ve been too afraid to post because I assumed no one would understand! I have severe health anxiety, so going to the doctor is an absolute ordeal for me: I can’t even make the phone call – I have to get Terry to make the appointment, and he sometimes has to come in with me, too. And he always has to at least drive me there and wait for me, because I’m so convinced I’m going to be given bad news, and basically collapse or something. I hate it- and don’t even get me started on the fear of hospitals!

  • Anca

    I wait until I’m dead too and after that I would call the doctor. Of course, before that I would do anything to try to solve the issue myself, like drinking lots of smoothies in an attempt to fix myself. 😀

  • Susanna | Ordinality

    Aww man, that sucks! I’ve spent so many hours at the docs & in the hospital in the last year that nothing fazes me anymore. If I’m going to see the nurse for my (somewhat non) regular smears, my trousers are halway down my legs before I even get to the office. GET IT DONE, I HAVE STUFF TO DO!

    It helps that my practice is all kinds of awesome though.

    When you do phone up & go, just remember; you’re not the worst. I was sitting in the waiting room with a wifie who was SCREAMING bloody murder because she’d bruised her toe. She was insisting on a wheelchair to go in (didn’t get one) and at the end of her (30 minute) appointment was loudly chatting to the doctor about Millie next door and how she had had heart surgery 10 years ago and was nearly about to go for another one and how cold tea was just the worst. If she doesn’t give a crap, why should you?

  • Aimee

    I have to go to be doctor so often, and have done for the last 10ish years, that it really doesn’t faze me anymore. The only thing that really bothers me about the Drs is waiting for test results. I have to have my smear test done and I know I’m going to be so anxious whilst I wait for the results. Glad you’re finally feeling better about going to the Dr. X

  • Liakada

    Awh that is awful that it makes you so nervous, and I can’t believe it takes so long to get an appointment! If you have an infection you need antibiotics asap not in two weeks. Glad you figured out a way to get fast appointments. Hope your kidney infection has cleared up!

    Ash | Liakada

  • Amanda

    I always feel scared when I go to A&E or make an emergency appointment because I get panicked that I’m not really “that ill” and am taking up the time from another patient who needs attention more than I do. It’s so ridiculous but I own up to being irrational about it sometimes! x

    http://www.rhymeandribbons.com

  • Rowena @ rolala loves

    I also used to dread going to see the doctor until I realized how important good health is and it’s really better to go as a preventative measure sometimes. I’m also lucky to have a very good GP who never makes me feel uncomfortable no matter what I ask him. And sometimes he tells me stories about his celebrity patients which can be fun 🙂

  • Kezzie

    Oh my goodness, YEEEEEEEEEEEES to this!!!! I feel the same. I have had a numb and pins and needles right hand for months now and the whole wrist has been a problem for a few years now but I feel like they will think I am an idiot. My husband made me go to the Doctor about it. I got this lovely young girl doctor who was so nice to me last year when I had Acid Reflux and told her and she didn’t make me feel like a hypochondriac, she was sympathetic and said she’d send me for tests for Carpel Tunnel Syndrome.

  • Tania Michele

    Getting an appointment at my Dr’s is awful! Thankfully they have a walk-in clinic before 10am, but you need to be there 2 hours prior to even get the appointment – and waiting outside in the cold winter when you’re ill is just shitty!! I hate the Dr… Tania xx taniamichele.blogspot.co.uk

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