Hello, it’s me again.
Well, it’s been a few months now and I’m feeling a bit more, um, emotionally stable towards the idea.
No longer do I feel like I am going to die alone in my flat and have my seven cats that eat my face to survive.
I mean, I’m not even allowed cats in this flat, so FML.
Now I’m experienced in the art of being 30, I can now tell you it’s actually not that bad.
It feels pretty much the same as being 20 apart from the hangovers are worse and I find it harder to sleep. Sometimes my back hurts, too. That part sucks.
I don’t feel like I look much older, either, apart from my skin is a bit more like leather than it was 5 years ago. I still get told I look young and people are always shocked when they learn my age. That’s nice. It’s even nicer when I get ID’ed. This tends to happen mostly when I’m in my gym kit so I make supermarket trips a vital part of my cool down after the gym to maximize the chance of getting ID’ed. It helps me feel better, it honestly does.
The strangest thing is that I don’t feel 30. I know people always say that. I’m such a cliche, shoot me.
I feel the same way I did when I was 13, when I was 20, when I was 27. I feel the same now.
When you’re young you really do get the impression that when you’re 30, you’re going to be a whole different person. You imagine yourself as a strong person that doesn’t take any bullshit. You think you’ll be brave and stand up for what you believe in and take zero shit off anyone.
Although some of those things are sometimes true, basically you’re just the same old insecure, awkward and unsure person but the only thing that’s changed is that you’re a bit better with your poker face.
I don’t feel braver or more confident. I just feel like I’m able to handle my emotions a bit better.
I know more, too. Things like what bills I have to pay and how much it costs for electricity. Although learning that wasn’t easy and getting used being fully responsible for yourself in society was hard work. I’m still confident that there’s going to be some bill I’ve forgot to apply for.
I still have to struggle to wash the pots and get out of bed in a morning. I hate cooking and cleaning and hanging out my washing. I still have no idea how my Mum made it look so natural and easy to spend an afternoon hoovering and dusting.
I still get scared at scary movies and sometimes freak out that someone is under my bed. I still spill drinks over and trap my hair in my car door like an idiot.
We imagine such great changes in such a length of time. But the days might be long, but the years are short.
How much do you feel you have changed?
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