lifestyle

I don’t like it when you touch me.

dont like being touched

I have a few quirks about me. I’m awkward, I have a weird sense of humour, I struggle with double meanings and take things literally which can cause me to say inappropriate things without even realising it..

I’m a bit of an odd ball, I think.

One thing that makes me particularly odd, according to other people, is that I don’t like being touched.

I was going to make this a funny post, but after I started typing I realised maybe I have something more to say about it. While people do laugh at me for it, to be perfectly honest, there is nothing worse than someone doing something to you that makes you feel physically violated. Which is how this can feel, sometimes. 

I had a quick Google, and came up with articles about social anxiety, PTSD and mental illness. And while there is nothing in particular that has triggered this, to my knowledge, it felt important to get a bit serious here.

Because sometimes, being this way doesn’t feel very nice. For many reasons – not only is it uncomfortable for me, but it makes me come across as detached, cold and lacking emotion and empathy – which is not true to my character at all.

dont like being touched

If someone stands to close to me, if they go to put their hand on me or hug me, I have an urge to punch them in the face and push them away.

I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember and even with my family. I’m okay with a romantic partner and very very close friends (to an extent) but anyone else needs to stay about 4ft away form me at all times.

I have memories of being younger and being forced to hug family members, or being told I had to kiss my nieces and nephews on the lips and to be honest – it made me feel like I had my personal space violated, that my body wasn’t mine to control and I was under complete control of adults.

If I ever have children, I decided a long time ago that I would never force my child to hug or kiss a family member or friend. That whole ‘why don’t you give Granny a kiss’ thing and then having to force the child to agree just doesn’t sit right with me. Especially with people that child isn’t familiar with. I was brought up to do this and always felt uncomfortable. It’s their body, not mine and I don’t feel it’s fair to put their need for personal space aside just so a friend or family member isn’t offended.

dont like being touched

My Mum thinks there is something wrong with me, like, mentally. She has tried to talk to me about it a few times, asking why I don’t like being touched, why I pull away when someone gets close as if I’m anticipating them touching me and to be honest, I don’t know why. But I don’t see what it has to be such a big deal.

It’s a natural reaction I have. I don’t consciously flinch away when someone comes close.

At work, it’s known that I don’t like being touched and every time we have to huddle together for a group photo, the person next to me will know that I don’t want their arm around me in the photo.

A few of them will wind my up sometimes by poking me and say ‘ooooohhh I’m touching you’, others will pretend to pat me on the shoulder when I’m having a bad day, but keep their hands a few inches away from me.

I’m not even sure what the point of this post is, I guess everyone has a different line and different boundaries when it comes to personal space and they should always be respected. Because for someone to go to hug me, or put their hands on my shoulders, or my waist, it causes me stress and anxiety.

I guess what I want to highlight is that even if you’re the type of person that loves physical contact and hugs, it’s important to realise that not everyone is the same and respect someones desire to not be touched. And that just because someone doesn’t want to be touch by you, it doesn’t mean they dislike you or they think you’re dirty, or that they’re a cold, heartless person.

I probably really like you.

I just don’t like it when you touch me.

Untitled3

1. noun: a female blogger that writes about her own experiences, observations and opinions. 2. verb: to act like a complete idiot or to do something stupid. e.g: She did a Corinne.

23 Comments

  • M

    I wouldn’t say I hate being touched as much as you seem to, but I am beginning to feel like people think I’m somewhat cold and heartless, and you’re right; it’s not a very nice feeling. Just because I’m not awfully affectionate doesn’t mean I don’t like you, and they need to know that. But I guess if I’m giving those vibes then there’s nothing that can be done. Maybe we need to learn different ways to show we care.

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

  • Lisa

    I’ve always been like this. There are about 4 people I’m comfortable with but being touched by anyone outside of that group makes my skin crawl. I come from a family who aren’t big on displays of affection, so they all think it’s normal though.

  • Jackie Harrison

    I a welcome person maybe that is not that great sometimes people underestimate me because I’m nice is all in balance and experience we had in our lifes I need to practice to be a little colder.

  • Suze The Luxury Columnist

    I found this very interesting, I definitely used to be quite similar but when I lived in France it was a case of “if you can’t beat them join them”. For a Brit, it was a bit traumatic having to kiss everyone in the room when I arrived at an event and again when I left 😉

  • May

    I’ve got a bit of an iffiness about being touched as well, but nowhere as serious as yours. I’d just like to pitch in a little opinion that your mum is probably concerned about you because such a reaction to touch can very well likely be triggered by traumatic experience such as, for example, rape. Perhaps her concern is over matters like this. You say you’ve felt this way your entire life — has it been prominent enough in your childhood that she knows about it or is this one a very recently prominent thing?

    Thank you for sharring, Corinne.

    May | THE MAYDEN | Bloglovin’

  • May

    I’ve got a bit of an iffiness about being touched as well, but nowhere as serious as yours. I’d just like to pitch in a little opinion that your mum is probably concerned about you because such a reaction to touch can very well likely be triggered by traumatic experience such as, for example, rape. Perhaps her concern is over matters like this. You say you’ve felt this way your entire life — has it been prominent enough in your childhood that she knows about it or is this one a very recently prominent thing?

    Thank you for sharing, Corinne.

    May | THE MAYDEN | Bloglovin’

  • Kim

    I definitely have an adversity to being touched and I have a big personal space bubble that I like to stick to. I don’t particularly think there is anything wrong with that unless it prevents you from having fulfilling relationships. While I’m not a person who loves to be touched I have no problem showing my husband affection or giving a loving family member a hug goodbye. I feel like people often take liberties with touching people when a nice smile means a lot more and is a lot more comfortable for most people! This was a great post, thanks for sharing! XO -Kim
    http://www.thethirtysomethinglife.com

  • Liz S

    I also get really uncomfortable with physical contact. It’s something that’s got better as I’ve got older but I really don’t like it. For me the worst is with people that I know but not very well. We had to do a training thing about hand massage at work (I worked in special ed) and I had to sit out on the practical… The thought of a colleague massaging my hand made me feel sick! Some of what you said reminded me of this post <a href="http://edition.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/&quot; (I found it through A Cup of Jo a while ago). It’s about respecting children’s physical boundaries/personal space.

    Liz x

  • Anca

    It sounds awful. I don’t mind touching people or being touched, but I can imagine how unpleasant can be for someone who is not happy with this.
    In my opinion your colleagues aren’t considerate. It’s nothing wrong with you, they must have things they don’t like like spiders or bugs or other things and nobody should make fun because of that.

  • Ashleigh

    I’m in the same boat with you. I’m not a cuddly person at all and I don’t like to hug people I don’t know. I also have a weird quirk where it’s really hard for me to say ‘I love you’. I have never been comfortable with that phrase. Not sure why, but it’s just one of my quirks and I completely understand where you’re coming from.

  • Jemma

    I deinitely don’t have it to think extent I dont think, but can totally relate 🙂 And I think it’s awesome that you’ve wrote about how children are expected to do things like that, when it doesn’t feel quite right!
    GO YOU. xx

  • Lucy

    If someone is upset I feel compelled to cuddle them, I am also quite expressive with my hands so will often touch people on the arm. Basically I would be your living nightmare. I have a colleague who is very similar to you they hate to be touched and it is important to adjust so that I don’t make them feel uncomfortable Lucy x

  • Sarah

    We all have our own ‘things’, and not wanting to be touched doesn’t make you weird or mental, it’s just a thing. I know I’m a tactile person and wouldn’t even think twice about giving someone a hug until now it’s never even dawned on me that maybe they too want to punch me – and I wouldn’t blame them. Me touching them would be like them forcing me to hold onto a ventriloquist dummy (my BIGGEST fear since I can remember that I’ve never grown out of).

    My mum is kind of similar to you in a way, as in she really doesn’t like to be touched by people. If she knows you well enough she will go in for a hug but if you come at her first and your an ‘unknown’ or someone she doesn’t like, she clams up and goes all statue like. I never really thought about how uncomfortable she must be feeling until now.

    Sarah 🙂
    Saloca in Wonderland

  • Shireen L. Platt

    I actually understand this a lot, it took me years to get to where I am and I still feel awkward when someone hugs me. It doesn’t help that I come from a family that is not affectionate, we never hug, ever. I think it’s the reason why I can’t stand massages, I freaking hate stranger’s hands on my body. I will get extremely tense instead of relaxed.

  • Kezzie

    I used to be awkward with hugs but now, I got used to it but you had to kiss relatives on the LIPS?!??! That’s very odd- lips are only for a boyfriend/husband in my case. I hate being kissed or having to kiss cheeks but am ok with hugs.

  • Deimante

    Well done to you for opening up. Writing personal posts isn’t easy. I’m really glad I read this because it’s likely we gonna bump into each other at some event soon and I’m definitely a hug kind of person so useful to know 😀 thanks for sharing! Dei x
    http://www.sunnydei.com

  • Jessica

    I’m also really awkward about hugging and things – I will always wait for someone else to make the move. I think for me it’s more of a social thing. What if I go for a hug and they wanted a handshake? What if they wanted to kiss me and I’ve killed the situation? Hugs are just so awkward! However I do really like them, once I know someone and it’s not weird…

  • Sassy

    I liked being hugged and stuff a while ago, but I have the feeling that a lot of people disappointed me and I sort of didn’t want them to being this close to me anymore. I only every hug the close part of my family and obviously my boyfriend as that’s not a problem as well.
    At work, I had a bad experience recently with someone … I don’t want to go into detail, but everyone’s telling me I should let it go because he apologised. But for someone like me who needs a trusting relationship with someone to feel comfortable while being touched, it’s not that easy.
    I agree with you that people should just accept your boundaries. People are so different about a lot of stuff, why can’t they about being touched by others?

    Sassy xx

  • Nikki McCaig

    I completely agree with your beautifully written point about children being forced to kiss their relatives, especially when it’s clear they don’t want to. I’ve never understood why my aunts and friends will force their young children to go around and kiss everyone in the room on the lips before bedtime, when they wouldn’t want to do that themselves? It’s uncomfortable for the child, it’s uncomfortable for the family members around, and seems to be just an unneccesary parade of how ‘loving and cute’ your child is. I do suffer anxiety around hugging people, as I never seem to know when to hug and when to not, so I can empathise with many of your points as well, and I think you did a really great job of explaining them so well. <3

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