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Why I’m choosing to be alone // Dating Doom

I’ve had quite the adventure over the past few months. I’ve been actively putting myself out there, I’ve been going on dates and even started…

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dating doom

I’ve had quite the adventure over the past few months.

I’ve been actively putting myself out there, I’ve been going on dates and even started some what of a ‘thing’ with some guys.

You know, the type of ‘thing’ that may be classed as seeing someone. The part that happens before a relationship has been confirmed. Where everything is all exiting and new and bubbly and fun and wow.

But something keeps going wrong. I’m not sure if it’s me or them. Or us. But I’m not having much luck with trying to find someone that

  • 1) I like.
  • 2) Likes me.
  • 3) wants to commit.

It’s like some sick joke that I can have 1 + 2. 0r 2+3. Or even 1+3. But I can’t seem to find someone that ticks all three boxes.

You see, when you have something and lose it, it’s like you want to get it back again. Or something similar. So when something I thought might be turning into something half-good, it would end, I’d start to feel all pointless and desperate. Like I needed to find someone new, someone to date, someone to text me, someone to make me feel good.

I’d give my phone number out, I’d arrange dates, I’d decided that maybe I should date a few guys at once and maybe then it wouldn’t hurt as much if one suddenly decided he didn’t want to see me again. Or if he turned out to be a huge asshole.

But a few hours after planning a date with the next guy, I’d feel empty. So empty I thought I might implode.

I’d lose interest. I’d stop sending messages. I’d avoid them and hope they would just go away. Then I’d move on to the next.

dating doom

The thing is, dating isn’t fun anymore.

Yes, I’m lonely and feel like couples are everywhere, but I feel even lonelier trying to force relationships with people I don’t feel some sort of connection to. Just so I’m not alone.

Dating the wrong person is worse than dating no person.

It’s impacting the whole of me. I’m losing my focus in life – I’m losing the motivation to work out, to look after myself, to even blog.

So I’m taking an active next step to stay away from boys. To recharge, to be on my own to not stress.

I need to stop patching my hurt of the last boy with the next boy and start patching it with the things that make me happy again. With blogging, with you guys, with my friends, with my passions.

Because I’m driving myself mad. I’m settling. I’m being erratic. I’m wasting time on things I shouldn’t be. And with all of that, I’m losing my self worth.

Though I have some great ideas for some dating relating posts that I’ll be writing over the next few months.

I’d also love it if anyone would like to share any dating doom or dating success with me – either anonymously or not. It might make a fun blog post, don’t you think? So drop me an e-mail at corinne@skinnedcartree.com if you want to share your thoughts and feelings around dating!

GIRL POWER!

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22 comments

  1. I think anyone who dates is so brave! I wouldn’t have a clue at all. I hope I never have to as it always sounds like a whirlwind.

    Having never actively triyjng to find ‘the one’
    But being successful in just getting the one I’m all for sitting back, relaxing and letting them come to you.

    Victoria xx thedaisyjaynes.com

    1. It really does open yourself up to a whole lot of uncertainty – which I think can be the hardest part about it. You can feel so vulnerable!

      I know a lot of people say sit back and relax to let them come to you.. but it’s been 29 years and nobody is coming! 😉

  2. Dating is hard because you have to put yourself out there are on doing so be vulnerable. It’s difficult. I totally get the dating someone who you don’t connect with is worse than not dating at all. All I can say is it will happen and when you least expect trust me Lucy x

  3. I love this sentence: Dating the wrong person is worse than dating no person.

    I completely agree that taking some time to recharge and just not focus on dating is a good idea.. and love always comes when you’re not looking! xx

    Dating the wrong person is worse than dating no person.

  4. Dating is good to have an idea what you want in a guy when you ready to settle. Is important not to lose yourself or have high expectation just have fun at the moment if is meant then it will continue if is not is their loss. You will find your soul mate when you not looking sometime is even closer than we think and we do not notice. So take it slow is better being alone than with a rotten frog that is not the prince you want.

  5. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had some bad times in the dating world! No doubt you’ve already heard that old chestnut that ‘as soon as you stop looking, that’s when the perfect guy comes along’ 😉 I can vouch for that happening to myself and quite a few friends also actually, haha.
    I look forward to hearing some more of your experiences, I hope they weren’t all negative and you have some of those stories that you look back on and laugh and that become great tales to tell! 🙂

  6. You are sent from heaven! I’m dealing with the same thing! I’ve written a little about my situationship on my blog, and it’s been three months and let me tell you, we still talk as friends as We were coworkers at one point in time before anything got serious, but I sit and I still feel like our only problem is #3- wanting to commit, and that in itself comes with a lot of different factors.

    I’ve been doing the things that make me super happy and I’ve been loving it, but like you mentioned it’s hard to ignore your relationship status when love is ALL around us, couples are EVERYWHERE, and that’s beautiful but I always feel lonely and sad for myself sometimes!

    But I’d love to hear more about your journey and anything dating related as I feel great to have someone who is experiencing the same things as I have. I’m on a spontaneous “you’re cute and you have pretty great vocab, here’s my number” I’m 22 and I should be having fun not dreaming of having fun ya know? I’m not sleepin with any of these people but just getting to know them and kind of building a friendship and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I have a few guy friends who deeply know me and we have never crossed that line and it’s literally the best feeling ever that I can be who I am and have a male perspective on my life through my guy friends…

    And I’m going on a tangent and will stop right now !

    Karie,
    KarieNicole.com

  7. I think we’ve all done that before, Corinne, patching the hurt of one boy with the next available date. And omg, dating doom? I have quite a few with one turned out to be a stalker! Ugh!

  8. I agree that is better to be alone than with someone that is not good for you. Have patience, you may never know where you can find The one x

  9. This was beautifully written Corinne. I went through a terrible breakup during my 2nd year of University, so told myself to focus on my dissertation and have fun with friends during my 3rd year – and I did just that. Sometimes we just have to be selfish and look after number one… and to do things for YOU! 🙂

    XOX

  10. Dating can be a little rough! My ex and I were dating for over 6 years then I noticed it wasn’t working anymore. I was the one putting all the effort, it is not how it should be. After that I met now my fiancee and we’ve been dating for over 2.5 years. We will get married in November. So the lesson I learnt from my previous relationship was, no matter how much you love someone never put yourself down. If it is not working, then just leave it, no need to force it.
    The ones you dated weren’t the right ones, once you meet the one your heart will know it and you will just change your mind 🙂 Trust me! xx

    http://www.elabellaworld.com

  11. This is a great post for so many reasons. Dating is never what you think it should be. I think that forcing yourself to go on dates or to just be with someone because you see others are happy with it, isn’t enough. Most people need to look inward, and work on themselves before they can ever truly be with someone else. All the photos pictures post, just photos. The more of them they post the more I think they are just trying to prove that they are happy in their current arrangement.

    Currently, there is a man in my life that I am extremely fond of and I know he feels the same way. The problem? We both have trust issues. I’ve been working on myself so I can be a better friend, partner, person. Yet, it can just be a one-way thing. It’s sad and yeah it hurts. But you know what I think? I think that timing is everything. If you’re really meant to be with someone then it will happen at that time when you are both ready, want the same thing, and have most individual issues worked out. The odds of that happening are not exactly high, unlike the divorce rate.

    So my advice: take your time. Work on you, enjoy being single. Think about why you choose men that aren’t ready, or why you don’t choose the ones that are. Maybe you aren’t as ready for a relationship as you think you are..

    XOXO
    http://www.kellmenow.com/blog/
    https://www.facebook.com/kellmenow?fref=ts
    https://instagram.com/kell_menow/

  12. I have to admit that I am guilty of being in a relationship *I know, I know – I’m sorry!* but I remember how hard dating was when I was single.. and sometimes I even have a mild panic about how weird it would suddenly be should I ever be in that position again.. Even – Like you said – having no one to text throughout the day.

    I do agree though that “doing-you” is the best way forward!

    x

    Small&Blonde ♥

  13. Dating the wrong guy is most certainly worse than dating the right one! My best pal was single for over a year before getting back into the dating scene and meeting the love of her life! It’s all about timing & not forcing anything.

  14. I applaud your attitude and being able to step back from dating. It’s tough out there and honestly you’re wiser just to recognize that it’s better to be alone than be with someone just because you don’t want to be alone.

  15. You were sweet, a little awkward and a lot funny on our date, enjoyed it. A while back now…both very drunk.

    Hope you find what you are looking for, sure you will. Probably when you are least expecting it. x

  16. “Dating the wrong person is worse than dating no person.” PREACH GIRL!

    Unfortunately though, that’s not something we’re usually taught. It’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way this year, too. I felt the same way, loosing motivation for the things that I really did love. It’s sad, really, but forcing something like that is just exhausting.

    Single is great. Coupled up is great. But only if you’re with the right person.

  17. This is why I’m afraid to start ‘getting out there, but I will because my mom always says I should get my own’ experience. I’m scaAaaaaaared!!

  18. Dating isn’t easy. It’s a long-run commitment. I’m sorry you’ve been having hard times with that, but I hope you will get someone who deserves you and can understand you well.

  19. Oh my, dating sounds scary! If any consolation, I was single from 22-28- I didn’t really like anyone except for an amazing guy who I totally liked but he didn’t like me so it was difficult to like anyone else!x

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