I’ve had quite the adventure over the past few months.
I’ve been actively putting myself out there, I’ve been going on dates and even started some what of a ‘thing’ with some guys.
You know, the type of ‘thing’ that may be classed as seeing someone. The part that happens before a relationship has been confirmed. Where everything is all exiting and new and bubbly and fun and wow.
But something keeps going wrong. I’m not sure if it’s me or them. Or us. But I’m not having much luck with trying to find someone that
- 1) I like.
- 2) Likes me.
- 3) wants to commit.
It’s like some sick joke that I can have 1 + 2. 0r 2+3. Or even 1+3. But I can’t seem to find someone that ticks all three boxes.
You see, when you have something and lose it, it’s like you want to get it back again. Or something similar. So when something I thought might be turning into something half-good, it would end, I’d start to feel all pointless and desperate. Like I needed to find someone new, someone to date, someone to text me, someone to make me feel good.
I’d give my phone number out, I’d arrange dates, I’d decided that maybe I should date a few guys at once and maybe then it wouldn’t hurt as much if one suddenly decided he didn’t want to see me again. Or if he turned out to be a huge asshole.
But a few hours after planning a date with the next guy, I’d feel empty. So empty I thought I might implode.
I’d lose interest. I’d stop sending messages. I’d avoid them and hope they would just go away. Then I’d move on to the next.
The thing is, dating isn’t fun anymore.
Yes, I’m lonely and feel like couples are everywhere, but I feel even lonelier trying to force relationships with people I don’t feel some sort of connection to. Just so I’m not alone.
Dating the wrong person is worse than dating no person.
It’s impacting the whole of me. I’m losing my focus in life – I’m losing the motivation to work out, to look after myself, to even blog.
So I’m taking an active next step to stay away from boys. To recharge, to be on my own to not stress.
I need to stop patching my hurt of the last boy with the next boy and start patching it with the things that make me happy again. With blogging, with you guys, with my friends, with my passions.
Because I’m driving myself mad. I’m settling. I’m being erratic. I’m wasting time on things I shouldn’t be. And with all of that, I’m losing my self worth.
Though I have some great ideas for some dating relating posts that I’ll be writing over the next few months.
I’d also love it if anyone would like to share any dating doom or dating success with me – either anonymously or not. It might make a fun blog post, don’t you think? So drop me an e-mail at email@example.com if you want to share your thoughts and feelings around dating!