lifestyle,  self improvement

How big are your balls?

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Look, I’ll be honest with you here. I have no balls. I’m all talk and no action. I like to think I’m big, I’m clever, I’m able to stand my own. But mostly I just feel like a scared child only capable of playing out arguments in my head.

There are, however, times when I do have balls. At these times, I’m able to defend myself. I put forward a logical argument and express my feelings articulately. But only under certain conditions.

These conditions are usually on a one-on-one basis. With a person I’m comfortable with them. If I 150% know I’m right.

If any of these conditions aren’t met, I’ll bottle it.

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I put out some 360 feedback forms at work a few weeks back and asked my colleagues to give me some ideas for my PDA (Personal Development Plan).

Some of the comments I got were ‘Don’t doubt yourself when you’re right’ and ‘express your feelings more’.

Yup – that’s me.

I’m very much an internal type human – when I’m attacked in some way, I more often than not find it difficult to find the right way to defend myself. The ideas are in the back of my head but matching the right words to them seem difficult.

I much prefer to avoid aggressive behaviour. I’m good at detecting what situations might end badly if I speak up and often decide it’s not worth it.

This can either been seen as not expressing myself or keeping things on the inside.

However, another colleague actually had feedback to be more like me. How in meetings, I’m there with my poker face. You can’t tell if I’m mad, even if there’s a volcano irrupting inside me.

I said to her, it’s simple.

I like to think I view the world in black and white, but I don’t. I see the future, I see the past, I see the current situation and the outcome of every possible situation depending on how I react.

I pick my battles carefully. If it’s not worth the fight, if I’m going to end up burnt or if I know it’s going to cause some problems in the future – I’ll stay quiet.

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But I think really I don’t have the confidence to defend myself. My arguments seem weak when I say them out loud. I have quite a high tolerance – so I’m able to be pushed far before I snap and lose it. In general, I’m mellow and I’ll always go for the easy life over causing some complications.

Inside, I hold it all in and slowly drive myself crazy as I over analyse it in my head for the rest of the day, driving home, in the shower, while trying to fall asleep. Having the argument in my head, thinking of my quick witted responses, leaving the other person looking stupid, winning.

It’s no good. Not anymore. I find myself getting aggravated, distracted and annoyed at myself. Like I’m not being true to myself by letting some things slide.

It’s time to learn to stand up for myself. 

I’d love to learn a bit more about how YOU stick up for yourself.

Are you like me?

Are you feisty with select humans, but overwhelmed by others?

Are you too stubborn to let things go?

Are you passive aggressive?

Are you strong headed and confident?

HALP MEH PLZ.

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1. noun: a female blogger that writes about her own experiences, observations and opinions. 2. verb: to act like a complete idiot or to do something stupid. e.g: She did a Corinne.

26 Comments

  • Anca

    I’m feisty, but in the last years I’ve decided to change and pick my battles. Usually there are things that don’t matter as much as I though they did.

  • Alissa

    Sad to say that I usually don’t have balls to do the things I want but if I have a goal in mind and I really needed to do those things to get it, I have no choice but to have big balls.

  • Lucy

    I am a little to honest for my own good. It is difficult when you know your right and what the outcomes are to not share these but it often pisses people off. You have to pick your battles and let something’s go. You can work on sticking up for yourself more takes practice Lucy x

  • M

    I always imagine stuff in my head the way I want them to go, and then I’m too afraid to act that way in real life. It’s like my fantasy self is a better version of me, and clearly I’m somewhat like her if I imagined her up. Why can’t we just grow some balls

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

  • Jackie Harrison

    I’m a kind person that willing to give a hand but when you cross me I do not back down and tolerate it. I stand up for myself. Plenty of people found that out the hard way they like to choose a book by is cover and they were in shocked.

  • Lutetia Flaviae

    I can totally relate. Maybe I’m worse. I have no balls! It’s simple, whenever I need a good answer, I have it like… 3 hours later when I’m alone thinking about it ˆˆ I used to let people talk because I avoid confrontation at all costs. Fortunately when growing I’ve learnt to try to step up and make my point. However, I quickly get weak!

    • Arianne

      I am learning how to pick my battles, but now that I’m purposely trying to be more vocal, it’s hard. If I don’t vocalize it, I internalize it and I become very resentful of the person.

  • Arianne

    This is going to be a long comment.. 😉
    I was the best at bottling things up..until I started noticing how many bridges I burned along the way. Like you, I have the scenarios in my head play over and over again like a broken movie, and different ways I could have handled the situation. Clever things I could have said that would have left the other person stunned.

    When I started seeing a therapist, I realized that confronting the situation releases the struggle from my control. However, it doesn’t always work. When the person being confronted doesn’t relent or give in, if they continue to try to impose that they’re right, that’s when I pull back and keep it inside some more. When the situation isn’t resolved by me confronting it, I end up withdrawing and giving up completely, whether it’s personal or work-related.

    Suffering from anxiety, there are times when I would be so hard on myself and think that there’s something wrong with ME. I would ask myself “why couldn’t I just accept it like everyone else?” “why do I have to be so sensitive to everything?” well… eventually, I get so tired of all the questions in my head that I learned to tell myself that “hey, if these people make you feel bad about yourself, then it’s time to cut them out of your life. they’re not worth your energy or your thoughts. Move on; be happy.”

    🙂

  • JaseyJade

    It feels like I’m allot like you, haha!
    When something bad happens .. I often stay calm like you said.. it’s sometimes not worth it. You know.. getting angry.But at the same time I can step up for myself when something gets too out of hand or real bad. But I often let things go as i want to avoid aggressive behavior as well. volcano inside.. poker face outside XD ! Great post!

    Jade x

  • Victoria

    It takes a lot to really aggravate me to the point of saying something. I tend to rant about someone or something to someone else and then feel incredibly bitchy for doing so!

    I’m definitely too stubborn to let things go but often I just worry, fester and internalise my feelings from the situation rather than holding a grudge or feelings against the person involved.

    I don’t take criticism or compliments well either which causes me issues so I try and avoid situations where they occur.

    Basically, I have no advice for you other than as much I’ve just listed a million of my flaws, they are all me. I don’t do any of the above to satisfy someone else so although you’ve been told to be yourself more and show your true feelings, if the way you’re acting is the way you’re naturally acting then there’s no need to change you.

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