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Irrational Chilldhood Fears

Being a kid is weird, isn’t it? I remember all the dumb shit I used to do. Like one time, I was in my older…

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STUPID STUFF

Being a kid is weird, isn’t it?

I remember all the dumb shit I used to do.

Like one time, I was in my older brothers bedroom and he was watching TV on the bed with his girlfriend. I remember I thought it would be a great idea to draw on the side of his bed with my felt tip. All of a sudden, his girlfriend said ‘Corinne’s quiet’ and looked down at me. She saw what I was doing and gasped.

It was at that point I realised what I was doing was naughty, I started crying and tried to clean it off with soap and toilet paper from my bathroom. My older brother was a complete dick and went and told my Mum. I got a right bollocking.

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Me being cute. My older brother being a dick.

As well as doing dumb stuff, I used to believe in dumb stuff and have many irrational fears which I appear to have pulled out of the air from nothing.

Here are some of them.

Nits.

I had a bad case of head lice when I was 11. It seemed to take ages to get read of them, my Mum would have to put lotion on my head every night for what seemed like weeks.

I was mortified. I didn’t tell a soul.

Since then, I would obsessively check my hair with the nit comb every week until I was about 17. I also would only use tea tree shampoo and would take my hairbrush to school and constantly brush my hair because I heard that brushing your hair could help kill nits if you managed to attract a random one.

Worms.

You know, worms in your intestines. In your poo. Well, I was convinced I had them SO MANY TIMES. All the time, in fact. I only had a vague idea of what they were and imagined big worms coming out of my bum.

Every tickle and every itch was confirmation that I was full of worms.

Time paradoxes.

This is where I drove myself a bit mental.

I thought for some reason that time only passed when you were awake. So if you were not conscious, no time passed at all. Therefore there were millions of universes all excising in different times. I would go to sleep on an evening, then if my friend slept for a shorter amount of time than me, she would be further forward in time than me.

I think this is why I could never sleep on Christmas eve. I wanted Christmas to come sooner but it never did. Everyone else was already enjoying Christmas and I was still trying to sleep.

Space paradoxes.  

Similar to time paradoxes, but not as easy to explain. This only really makes sense in my head. But I’ll try.

If I was walking down the street with a friend and she went one way around a lamp post and I went the other, we would somehow be in different dimensions of space because something had become between our connections.

I guess I had an idea that everyone was tired together by imaginary strings, and if something became between us, the stings would break.

I spent a lot of time trying to be on the same side of a lamp post/traffic cone/fence/person as other people. This led to odd behaviour.

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Me trying to stay connected to my BFF

Real life Truman Show child. 

Before the Truman Show was a real movie, I thought that’s what my life was. Being the egocentric idiot that I am, I thought when I left someones house, they’d turn on the TV to a magic channel and watch me.

When I was alone, I used to act as if people were watching me so be careful not to do anything inappropriate, like pick my nose or itch my wormy bum.

This led to me being constipated a lot.

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Me hoping you’re not watching me sleep.

What weird shit did do or think as a child?

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56 comments

  1. Haha I loved reading this – kids are so weird aren’t they!? I also was super paranoid about nits and worms. I think my dad once jokingly said ‘I think you’ve got worms’ because I used to eat so much and I genuinely thought worms lived inside me.

    I also believed I had the same magical powers as Matilda and Sabrina.

    1. I think that’s where my fear came from too. I wonder how my children have been tormented with fear over stupid sayings that adults said!

  2. Ha Ha Ha you were so adorable as a child and of course we all had a odd moment and exageration in our head of some creepy things. I had spider they going to take me away when I was a kid I saw a movie and that whats it no one in my home was able to sleep for a month due to me screaming every night about a gigantic spider ready to eat me while I’m sleeping. lol.

  3. Oh my gosh I am so glad I wasn’t the only one with the Truman show thing. I stayed up late once when I was about 6 and This is Your Life was on. It was Jonathan Ross (though I had no idea who he was at the time) on the show and they had footage of him eating cereal. I now realise this was a cornflakes advert but I was convinced that we were filmed all the time and then one day we’d get reel of our ‘best bits’, like coming out of Big Brother. This led to some very weird behaviour when getting dressed as I thought there were some pervy cameras filming me.

    I was also in the car with my dad not long ago and they were talking on the radio, remembering their first worries. I couldn’t remember by mine but dad told me I had a little breakdown saying ‘I DON’T WANT MUM TO HAVE CURLY HAIR’ because apparently I associated curly hair with old women and thought that mean she was going to die soon. Yep.

    http://noranoraa.blogspot.co.uk/

  4. Haha – I had that ‘Truman show feeling’ too. Was convinced there were hidden cameras around the house.

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

  5. Ahaha this post is the best. You know, I always wished I had an older brother. I don’t know. It seems like the best kind of sibling to have. They teach you stuff and they’re like protective or something? I guess that’s one of my childhood fantasies.

    And I felt that feeling that people can watch me too. In fact, I think I’m still feeling it… I tend to do what I think would be approved of even when people aren’t around. It’s actually a really bad thing to do, whether they’re around or not.

    Nits and worms are still scary…

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

    1. You can have one of mine. Growing up the youngest and with three older brothers wasn’t exactly the funnest thing in the world!

  6. I feel a little better knowing that I’m not the only one that thought time only passed when you were awake when I was a kid. Totally irrational but I totally believed it.

  7. LMAO! Oh gosh, what a walk down memory lane! I have always been a brave soul as a child but my mum would probably say I’m ADHD and super hyperactive and seriously not much scares me. The one thing I hated since a child, actually until now is clowns. Those buggers are fucking creepy!

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

  8. I love this post! I used to think I was being spied on by a kid at primary school as I lay in bed! I was convinced he could see me through a tiny camera in the wall! I also thought that the world would end if I didn’t kiss each teddy bear the same number of times!

  9. Growing up is a tricky one, the things we worry about and the weird stuff we make up, I used to tell my sister that we had whole fairy world under the floor and she unused to believe me. I used to put out food and get up I’m the night and eat it. Lucy x

  10. Haha this really made me laugh! I used to think that my parents had cameras watching me when I was in my room.
    I also used to think that the adverts on the radio were exactly the same as the ones on TV, playing at the same time but just without the pictures. I always used to want to phone home and ask which adverts were playing on the TV when I heard them on the car radio!
    I’m sure I thought plenty of other stupid things too… thanks for a brilliant post!
    Jennifer x
    Ginevrella | Lifestyle Blog

  11. Being a kid is cool because you have such an open imagination — time paradoxes just seem normal, you know? I used to think hiding under the covers would protect me from intruders. It doesn’t.
    :] // ▲ itsCarmen.com ▲

  12. LOVE this post! You’ve got me laughing not just at your irrational childhood fears but my own too! I had a similar Truman Show-esq experience, I was convinced that I was the unwilling star of some twisted show, everyone around me was playing a part and everything I did would be scrutinised, assessed, maybe even copied – that ‘I wore purple jeans last Saturday, now BeWitched are wearing purple jeans on the cover of Smash Hits – this can’t be a coincidence!’. Blimey, it makes me almost cringe now!

    Sarah 🙂
    Saloca in Wonderland

  13. Oh my gosh – I think I’m way worse and worried about things now then when I was a kid lol! xo, Biana BlovedBoston

  14. This is hilarious , I also had the thought that I was in the real life Truman show I still sometimes think it now . Like when I am having a bad day I think they have done it just to get viewers haha. No seriously I used to do this. xox

  15. This post is very funny! 🙂 I prefer not to remember some stupid things that I did when I was a kid!

    Kisses,

    Babi

  16. haha such a funny post to read! It’s incredible the things we think up as children isn’t it? We seem to have boundless imaginations! 🙂 I remember being happy just sitting with friends under a table imagining all kinds of things…hopefully my son has my over-active imagination too so he will sit happily at parties and ‘hide’ under the table making up stories of what’s going on on the table above, haha! 🙂

    Away From The Blue

    1. I think the best thing about kids is the stuff they come up with – you get to experience it all again with baby T 🙂

  17. Time paradoxes is probably the coolest irrational childhood fear I’ve heard, seriously! I was a little fascinated reading that 🙂

  18. coincidentally, the girl i sit next to at work told me today that when she was a child she used to cry about the thought of boobs, and that one day she wouldnt be able to see her feet. Irrational childhood fears are hilarious!! I used to have to get out the bath before anyone pulled the plug as I thought I would get sucked in.

  19. This kinda freaked me out haha! Sounds like your childhood was pretty intense! You had some deep fears! Mine were just like spiders, wasps, etc.. (still are!) I did used to have nightmares about my mum’s car driving off with me in it though and I couldn’t control it! And until recently I was pretty scared of driving! Very interesting post xx

    xbeccabe.blogspot.co.uk

  20. What a fascinating post, never mind a fascinating, thought provoking topic! Love this 🙂
    So funny reading all your irrational fears, kinda cool that you had such a super imagination as a kid, especially with the time/space theory! As a kid I used to believe every time I watched a movie the actors had to jump into the VCR and re-enact the whole video shebang over and over.

    Sophie | soinspo xo

  21. Hahaha I can so relate to the Truman Show fear…What the hell was I thinking?! Although..you never know haha.

    Great blog! x

    GlamBlink | Klaudia

  22. This is so funny, I can relate to the Truman Show one haha, What was i thinking?! Although you never know…haha.

    Great blog!

    GlamBlink | Klaudia

  23. Duuude you is weird! Haha I kid. I genuinely thought I was adopted for a good few years because I was like none of my other family members… That probably led to me teenage demise to be fair. Since then I’ve been none to joke that I’m adopted and numerous people have then believed this to be true.

    1. I had a bit of a thing where I thought I was adopted and really a princess and one day my real parents would come and take me to a massive castle where I would have servants. Ha.

  24. Haha, I loved this post, still laughing!! I used to freak out my parents cause I would “draw in the air” with my fingers while riding my bike. Have no idea why! I also pretended to be a mermaid, so whenever I went swimming, I would try to swim all mermaid-y.

  25. Such a great read! Very entertaining. I definitely have my fair share of irrational fears that followed me through life.

  26. Isn’t it amazing what your brain thinks of when you are younger! I was scared I had worms to, I remember the vet telling my mum that my beloved cat had worms. Since then I was convinced I had them too. It’s nice to know I wasn’t alone!
    Steph x

  27. Pingback: 5 Strange Things I Believed As A Child - Thoughts from A French Girl

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