Dress: c/o OASAP
Shoes: c/o LoveoyShoes
Ok. Some things about the world really distress me.
I was talking to a work colleague last week and he thinks I belong in a mental institute.
I think the words ‘there are places you can go, you know’ were used.
So one of the things that blows my mind is death.
I have a lot of dreams about dying, I spend a lot of time thinking about it to the point that I feel so scared of dying that I want to die just so I don’t have to think about it anymore. Hi Drama Llama 🙂
I’m jealous of that are comforted by the belief in some sort of afterlife. A God, a heaven, a place of eternal joy. I tried so hard to believe in God when I was younger, but I just can’t. God, if you’re out there, give me a sign!
The thing that scares me about death is the non existence. I can’t comprehend that I simply will no longer be. That my thoughts, energy, experience and feelings will just stop. That there will be no consciousness.
I read a quote a few weeks ago that I think was meant to comfort me. But it made me feel worse.
I can’t for the life of me (lol) find the quote, but it went something like this:
No one ever speaks of the turmoil and torture before birth, so why would I feel it after death.
Which is a great point, really. Think of everything that happened before we were born. All the time that had passed, all the people that had lived. All the wars, the loves, the inventions, the THINGS THAT HAPPENED. You weren’t aware of it.
So that must be what death is like. But I just can’t comprehend it. I can’t comprehend that all this life inside of me, all these memories and thoughts and feelings and secrets will just.. go. I don’t want to cease to exist. I don’t want to be gone. I don’t want to NOT KNOW. It makes the world seem like such a waste. It makes my life and everything I do feel so.. pointless.
Even if you were to leave a legacy behind, that would also one day be forgotten. And one day the world will get consumed by the sun, eaten by aliens or hit by a crater. Then even the things we leave behind will be gone.
I want to be a vampire and live forever. BITE ME EDWARD. When I talk to people about this, they say they don’t want to live forever. What do you mean you don’t want to live forever? ARE YOU CRAZY?
I feel like everyone is totally okay with the thought of death apart from me. Everyone is always like ‘but it happens to everyone’. Like that’s supposed to make it better.
Please say something to make me feel better.
If any vampires are reading, e-mail me. I’m serious.