Posted on May 18, 2017

Do we have the good qualities we think we have?

lifestyle

Do we have the good qualities we think we have?

I’ve always been intense in my dreams, both when asleep and awake. In fact, I’ve just woken up from a series of intense dreams.

In one of those dreams, I was my age but around my school friends. There was this one girl that was in my friendship group at school but we didn’t get on. Our personalities clashed and we often swapped dirty looks and remarks after getting frustrated with each other. I’d say neither of us was awful, neither of us was perfect, we were just different. In this dream, we were all in a house together and for some reason, I flipped out. I was screaming in her face how I felt. She was calm and collected. My friends all sided with her. I couldn’t control my anger in the slightest. In the end, I left the house and got into my car and drove away.

In that dream, I was an awful person. I was out of order, out of control and I acted in a way I hope I never would in reality. But it got me thinking how we always think we have these great qualities but do we really?

There are some common qualities that all most of us would describe ourselves, but sadly, I’ve seen those that describe themselves as these but their actions have shown me others wise.

Have a think about it.

Being loyal to friends.

I bet most people will say they’re loyal to their friends. But in my experience, this loyalty is usually short term. I’ve said before that one of my personal values I live by is to be loyal and trustworthy – even if the friendship ends.

This means if a friend tells me something in confidence, then we drift apart or something happens so we’re not longer friends, I will not tell someone else.

I see a lot of times people’s exchanging the secrets of old friendships with new friendships. It’s as if this is a way to bond, impress or earn some loyalty points or something. But don’t forget, these new friendships could possibly be old friendships soon – so how loyal are you really?

Being socially awkward.

I think I am socially awkward. But the thing is, I am. People comment on it a lot. I hide behind this act of hating everyone so I’m being difficult on purpose, but really, I just don’t know how to be social to people I’ve not got a good relationship with already. Until there’s been some ground work, some ice breaking, time together, I can’t make conversation out of anything.

I see many people describe themselves as socially awkward, but then do a great job interacting with new people.

Some people argue that they just fake it and act confident. But isn’t acting confident and being confident the same thing?

I can’t even fake being that way. Can you?

Working harder than others at work. 

In work, it’s common to complain about others. So and so doesn’t pull their weight. This person leaves a mess for me to clean up. That person takes the piss on their breaks.

One thing I’ve noticed in my years of management experience is once you have a negative impression of someone at work and spread that impression around, other people will agree. Then everyone will have this opinion about someone that is impossible to break. Soon people are looking for it all the time, they start to see it. Poor person.

Sometimes you could work harder, too. Sometimes you make mistakes, sometimes you feel lazy or preoccupied.

Stop looking for faults in others, looking for someone to blame for your bad day and just focus on your job.

Being there for friends but friends never being there for them. 

I see this all the time – people feeling like they’re always around to talk to their friends when they are down, depressed, having a bad day. But when the tables are turned, nobody is ever there for them!

This is generally because they hide their feelings but still expect others to recognise that they’re sad, or they don’t feel comfortable talking to people.

I feel like most people would listen to me when I have a problem – even those I’m not that close to.

If you need to talk, reach out to people. Humans are humans, not mind readers.

Being straight talking and not beating around the bush.

Now, this is one I see a lot. People view themselves as straight talking. Direct. Not pussy footing around someone to share their opinion.

Either these people are either a bitch or good at talking like that behind someone’s back but not to their face.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to share your awful opinion about something or someone and then say you’re being honest and true to yourself when someone is upset. Nobody wants to listen to your asshole opinion and you’re just using that ‘but I’m just saying the truth’ as a way to justify being a dick.

Don’t.

Which of these qualities do you really have?

6 Comments

  • Reply Lucy May 18, 2017 at 7:16 am

    A great list and I definitely identify with a few, both in me and others around me. Different people bring different things out in you sometimes these are good and sometimes they are awful Lucy x

  • Reply Anca May 18, 2017 at 7:26 am

    Aww, I love your post. It’s so true. I know I haven’t been the best friend and some friendship ended. I would put my work and my family before friendship because those are my priorities and, obviously, not everybody is fine with that.
    I also think that “saying the truth” is just a way to be impolite. More so when people don’t actually know the truth. I’ve been married for 10 years with no children, you can’t imagine how many times I’ve heard “true” comments on my future child-free life, my marriage in 20 years without knowing why we don’t have children. It’s not a topic I would talk about.
    It’s funny how perceptions change when you are in a management position and you start having a bird-eye-view. I know how it is and you can’t go back. 🙂

  • Reply Amy May 18, 2017 at 9:49 pm

    Oh my god I am the worst at the being there for friends point – I basically never talk about things that I’m upset about without having them literally forced out of me so it’d pretty much take a mind reader to tell that something is wrong yet I still expect people to notice haha!
    Amy xx
    http://www.callmeamy.co.uk
    Amy recently posted…Does Being a Blogger Mean I’m Shallow?My Profile

  • Reply Akaleistar May 19, 2017 at 2:05 am

    This is such an interesting post! Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how hard it can be to know yourself, and you bring up many great points to think about.

  • Reply Jennifer May 21, 2017 at 4:33 am

    I like your work tip. Someone at work definitely told everyone when I started that I was horrible as an employee and didn’t work hard, etc, and it has had a really negative general impact on me. I will keep this in mind in future positions (especially if they’re leadership roles) so that other people don’t have the same bad experience.

  • Reply Alice May 28, 2017 at 10:16 pm

    Definitely agree with some of these!

    #1- I think a lot of people are loyal when it suits them. They’ll be loyal to friends they want something from, or when they feel like it, but lose interest when they get a boyfriend/ cooler friends/ they just get bored and move on.

    #5- A lot of people who describe themselves as straight-talking will just parrot the same politically correct opinions you hear everywhere. Or they’ll use it as an excuse to be rude to people they know won’t say anything back, or who people won’t stick up for. Funny how their “straight talking nature doesn’t apply to the popular crowd…

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