Thankfully, it’s much better than it used to be. I would say my current view of my body, though not great, it’s a very normal view for a lot of women who feel a bit podgy. There is a thin line between a normal level of self-confidence, and the type that starts to dither into bad mental health – thankfully, I’m not there.
It’s actually good to say that, as this hasn’t always been the case. I know I’m not there because I don’t hide behind my clothes, I don’t refuse social plans that involve food, I eat in front of others, I don’t obsess over every calorie eaten and burned. I don’t eat awful and odd food combinations because they’re ‘safe’. I do not starve myself, I do not throw up, I do not exercise myself into a deficit.
It feels a bit weird to say, actually. Because I weigh a stone more than I did a few months ago, but my clothes fit the same and I don’t see much difference in the mirror. A bit, but not a stone’s worth. This isn’t the first time this has happened – as I get older, I notice that I get heavier but look the same. The benchmark changes. What I consider a nice, comfortable weight for me where I’m happy and feel my best is 11lbs away. Two years ago, it would have been 2 stone away.
I’ve tried to look into why and have seen some theories about bone density increasing with age, which could be why but I’m unsure. Do things just weigh more as you get older? Has anyone else noticed this?
I guess now we’re getting to the summer, I feel it more. I can’t hide behind baggier clothes at the gym as it’s too hot. I’m not covered in a cardigan and I’m just wanting to feel a bit better about my body.
I’ve always found the hardest part about gaining weight, not how I look, but how I feel. It’s that awareness of your body when you sit down, how your legs rub together when you walk. When these feelings are not normal to you, it’s hard to forget these new feelings caused by weight gain.
I’m on a bit of a journey now. To lose these 11lbs and get back to where I was.
The first photo is from 2015. The second is from 2016.
Getting back to the first photo is probably not a realistic goal. I currently look similar to the photo that says 9th April and want to get back to the 14th May photo.
There’s a month between them. A whole month. Do you know how much weight that is? 5lbs.
That doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s a massive difference. A month of working hard at the gym and doing a lot of weights.
This is what I’ll be working on over the next few months so I can go into summer feeling brilliant and get some confidence back.
I’m posting my journey over on my fitness blog if you care to join me.
How is your body confidence right now?