Body Confidence

body confidence

Despite having just run a half-marathon, despite going to the gym and keeping fit, my body confidence isn’t great right now.

Thankfully, it’s much better than it used to be. I would say my current view of my body, though not great, it’s a very normal view for a lot of women who feel a bit podgy. There is a thin line between a normal level of self-confidence, and the type that starts to dither into bad mental health – thankfully, I’m not there.

It’s actually good to say that, as this hasn’t always been the case. I know I’m not there because I don’t hide behind my clothes, I don’t refuse social plans that involve food, I eat in front of others, I don’t obsess over every calorie eaten and burned. I don’t eat awful and odd food combinations because they’re ‘safe’. I do not starve myself, I do not throw up, I do not exercise myself into a deficit.

It feels a bit weird to say, actually. Because I weigh a stone more than I did a few months ago, but my clothes fit the same and I don’t see much difference in the mirror. A bit, but not a stone’s worth. This isn’t the first time this has happened – as I get older, I notice that I get heavier but look the same. The benchmark changes. What I consider a nice, comfortable weight for me where I’m happy and feel my best is 11lbs away. Two years ago, it would have been 2 stone away.

I’ve tried to look into why and have seen some theories about bone density increasing with age, which could be why but I’m unsure. Do things just weigh more as you get older? Has anyone else noticed this?

I guess now we’re getting to the summer, I feel it more. I can’t hide behind baggier clothes at the gym as it’s too hot. I’m not covered in a cardigan and I’m just wanting to feel a bit better about my body.

I’ve always found the hardest part about gaining weight, not how I look, but how I feel. It’s that awareness of your body when you sit down, how your legs rub together when you walk. When these feelings are not normal to you, it’s hard to forget these new feelings caused by weight gain.

I’m on a bit of a journey now. To lose these 11lbs and get back to where I was.

The first photo is from 2015. The second is from 2016.

Getting back to the first photo is probably not a realistic goal. I currently look similar to the photo that says 9th April and want to get back to the 14th May photo.

There’s a month between them. A whole month. Do you know how much weight that is? 5lbs.

That doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s a massive difference. A month of working hard at the gym and doing a lot of weights.

This is what I’ll be working on over the next few months so I can go into summer feeling brilliant and get some confidence back.

I’m posting my journey over on my fitness blog if you care to join me.

How is your body confidence right now?

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8 Comments

  1. May 31, 2017 / 11:09 am

    My body confidence is pretty non-existent since I had my son two years ago. I expected to be all ‘I am woman hear me roar’ but the fact is I look so different. I’m a dress size bigger and probably a stone or two heavier. In reality I know that if I felt that bad about it I should go to a gym or a class or something but as a working mum there are always a million other things to do with my time. Instead I try to eat better and walk where possible.

  2. May 31, 2017 / 2:24 pm

    I’ve actually been hovering around the same weight for almost 10 years now and I used to have issues with body confidence but then I became really sick and got over that. Now I just care about being healthy and feeling good.
    Rowena @ rolala loves recently posted…Recent LovesMy Profile

  3. May 31, 2017 / 5:19 pm

    It’s a shame you have problems with your body confidence. I think you look amazing, but I imagine that makes no difference, it matters how you see yourself. I hope you will see yourself in a better light soon. x
    Anca recently posted…7 Books in MayMy Profile

  4. May 31, 2017 / 7:57 pm

    Mine is all over the show, it seems to purely depend on which side of the bed I get out of in the morning! Right now, it’s on the not so great side, as I can feel my clothes getting tighter around the middle, especially dresses with less than elasticated waists and my high wasited jeans are SNUG before I even think about eating. I’m trying to move more, with lunch time walks and nightly workouts at home, if nothing else it’s improoving my mood and sleep but I’m yet to see a change in how my clothes fit!

    We’ll get there, I’m sure of it!

    Sarah 🙂
    Saloca in Wonderland
    Sarah recently posted…Chai Kai TeaMy Profile

  5. June 1, 2017 / 5:08 am

    For what it’s worth, I think you look beautiful. We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes. Weight as you know it’s an indicator of health, muscle is heavier than fat or something like that. I don’t actually own any scales. Everyone trades stories about losing this much baby weight and being x amount away from their pre-baby weight and I’m just over here happy I still fit back into my jeans. Might be a little snugger now but they fit, ha!
    I am sure you will reach your goal weight soon and continue to feel happy and confident with yourself. It can be a struggle sometimes (I know I was a little unsure about wearing tight-clothes post-baby for a while). Do what you want to get to a place you want to be, as you said you aren’t going to extremes so there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel more confident 🙂
    Mica recently posted…30 Wears: Rebecca Minkoff Grey MAB Satchel BagMy Profile

  6. June 1, 2017 / 5:38 am

    My body confidence is really strange right now. I have been eating poorly so I feel thick and not great. I know what I need to do to feel good, but I can’t bring myself to do it. At the same time, I am not miserable and willing to do negative things to get there faster, so that is a plus.

  7. June 8, 2017 / 7:10 am

    After having a baby I have bits hanging and flapping were I didn’t before not great for body confidence. Then I try and remember I birthed a small human Lucy x
    Lucy recently posted…Beauty on a budgetMy Profile

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