One thing I like to pride myself on is having good personal integrity amongst my friends, family and colleagues.
This means I have a certain moral code that I’ve developed throughout my life. A moral code that I’m still developing.
You see, we all do things that we are ashamed to admit. I’m sure there are times when all of us have talked about a friend behind their back, dropped a colleague in shit and broken someone’s trust.
There are times I have done these things. I am not proud of them, but I have learnt from my mistakes. Sometimes you have to fall hard, be confronted and face that pain you have caused others to really learn about yourself and work on the type of person you want to be.
So here are some of my personal values.
Never go directly to your colleagues superior.
If you have an issue with a colleague at work, or they have done something you don’t agree with, don’t title tattle to their boss straight away.
Pull them aside and have the courage to talk to them about it. It can be hard to have a difficult conversation with someone but you will feel much better for it afterwards. Most of the time, you’ll be surprised at the reaction of your colleague.
Most people don’t intentionally do the wrong thing, so they might be surprised to hear your concern, or simply didn’t know better. Don’t be taken back if they’re a bit defensive at first – it’s a trait of human nature. But by being open and honest, you can solve the issue without having to go to your manager.
This also builds loyalty with you and your colleague, rather than building barriers.
Obviously, if you get no cut through, speak to a superior. Let your colleague know that you are going to do this and why.
Don’t make someone look bad to make yourself look good.
This could be tempting if you find yourself in the situation above. A lot of us seek approval and like to be seen as the best. One way of doing this is to make a peer look bad, so you look great in comparison.
It doesn’t work.
As a manager of 7 years, I’ve had my staff try to do this to their colleagues many times and I’ve always seen straight through it.
If you have a problem with someone, it’s okay to talk about it – but it’s not okay to constantly complain and criticise everything they do.
Don’t gossip to get in with someone.
Whether in your personal life or work life, avoid gossiping to get in someone’s good books.
- What you say about others reflects on you. Be kind.
- If you are bonding with someone of the dislike of someone else – should you really be friends?
- If this person enjoys gossiping, they’re probably not a nice person to be around.
Think how easily they gossip about others to you when you don’t know each other well. That’s not a loyal person. What are they saying about you when your back is turned?
Stay loyal to your friends, even if you don’t agree with them.
Think about what I’ve said about. Apply that to people you barely know. Now we are talking about people you know very well. Speak to regularly, see regularly, have a strong and close relationship with.
Let’s be honest – talking about people does happen. It’s a way to discuss your values, get things off your chest and share your feelings. Which is okay to do when you pick the right audience.
For example, I have someone at work that listens to all my frustrations and rants. I listen to his. I trust him, he trusts me.
But guess what, sometimes he might be feeling frustrated with someone I get on with. That doesn’t mean I go back to them and tell them what he has said. It doesn’t mean I hate him and think he’s a dick.
I have two choices:
- Realise he needs to vent and let him.
- Tell him I don’t agree and why.
- Encourage him to speak to this person.
- Be honest with him if he is being unreasonable and a dick.
It’s okay to disagree with people’s views.
Stay loyal. Always.
Keep confidentiality, even after a friendship.
Friendships don’t always last forever. Sometimes someone gets a new job and leaves work, has a child and doesn’t have as much time, sometimes you simply grow apart. There might be times when you have an argument or disagreement that don’t be solved.
If you find yourself in this situation – don’t tell others the things they told you in confidence.
Especially if you are doing it to try and get in with someone.
How would you feel if someone did that to you?
Don’t be passive agressive on social media.
Whether you are in a current friendship or old friendship, or whether you have a bee in your bonnet about someone at work – do not take to public social media to air your laundry.
Whenever I see someone act this way, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Especially when the person who the Facebook status, tweet or Instagram post is about is likely to read.
Just get on with your life.
What’s on your personal integrity list?