Blogging is bae. While normal 29 year old women are all talking proudly about their husband and 3 kids, I’m talking all gooey eyed over my Instagram account and 3 blogs.
But you know how normal people can get all douchy with photographs of their perfect family and big house with a garden all complete with a decking and chiminea? Wellllllll, I can be a bit of a douche too.
I‘m also pretty confident that if I had kids, they’d be all over Facebook and I’d probably start a forth blog. Mummiedcartee? Childcartree? Babiedcartree?
So yes, there are things that blogging has done to me. That’s changed me. That’s ruined me. That’s turned me in to a massssssive douche bag at times. And here’s how.
Please, if you’re easily offended by things that are supposed to be funny and taken light hearted, then you may leave. I’ll be back tomorrow with a less offensive post so see ya at 7am BST? Great. Have a nice day.
Tweeting rage to companies.
When I’m proper pissed off at a company for it’s poor service – usually my Internet provider or a parcel service, I tweet out in rage about how mad and angry I am. And how unprofessional and awful they are.
WHY DO I DO THIS?
Oh wait. I know why. It’s because I’m secretly hoping all of my 7.5 thousand followers will all reply, favourite, retweet and then cause a massive shit storm and that poor company will be like ‘oh man, we shouldn’t have messed with The Skinnedcartree. We better give her what she wants and fix her problem ASAP’.
Though it never works out like that. I may get a bit of engagement, but in the end I’m left feeling lonely and like I’ve just had a tantrum in the middle of a supermarket like a three year old, with a bunch of adult sized humans walking past thinking ‘Jesus, that awful child is a mess’.
Yes. Yes, I am a mess. U r rite.
INSTAGRAM. SNAP CHAT. I need to make myself look very busy and important, right? So gotta get dem selfies when I get on dem weight machines. Look at my gainz. Yesterday I even flexed. Secretly. While no one was watching. And used the hashtag #gainz.
Oh man, I must look like a right nob. I try to do it when nobody is looking buuuuttttt I’ve been caught so many times.
How come it’s fine to post a selfie on the internet for the whole world to see but you look like a right idiot taking it?
Oh God. I’m one of those bloggers that takes herself too seriously. I HAVE BUSINESS CARDS!
You know how many times I’ve given it to anyone other than friends that already read my blog?
ONCE. Yup. That was when a man on a train heard me and a bunch of #LeedsBloggers talking about blog events, then he approached us afterwards saying her worked on for a marketing agency and asked for our e-mails. Out the cards came.
Oh, the was also the time Hayley from TeaPartyBeauty gave it to a cute singer who was doing a gig in a bar and told him to call me.
My cards don’t have my number on.
I got my cards over a year ago. Since then, I’ve changed my sight design and don’t even us that image and the same logo colours anymore. Lolz. Also the instagram name is wrong and I have about 185 of the 200 left.
I’m sorry, but to hand them out to people just seems a bit stupid. Like, how the hell do I think I am?
A million hashtags.
#fitfam #weightlossjourney #gym #girlswholift #instarunners #instadog #wiaw.
Did you know that the amount of hashtags a girl uses on social media its an indication to how crazy she is?
Internet Attachment Disorder.
When I was 19, I had the choice between two universities. I made my decision because one of them had internet in the hall rooms and the other one didn’t.
So you can’t exactly blame blogging on that one – though I did have blogs at the time – they were the livejounral/xanga type that were rarely updated.
But I still have IAD (Internet Attachment Disorder) and it’s severe, guys. I get headache if I’m away from wifi for longer than 40 minutes and I’m liable to walk into anyone because I’m checking Instagram, or ignore you because I’m reading my e-mails.
How does blogging make you a douche?