On Thursday, I went to the gym. Before going to the gym, I knew that I needed to nip to Morrisons afterwards to grab a few things, so I got some carrier bags ready. I never remember to bring my own carrier bags and this new law thing where you have to buy one for 5 FULL pennies annoys the hell out of me. For no reason. I mean, it’s just 5p, right? And it’s good to save the environment by re-using things.
Well, it’s not good for me, because I now feel bad about throwing the bags away, or using them as bin bags because I PAID FOR THEM. This basically means I currently have hundreds, maybe even thousands of carrier bags at home. I’m seriously considering opening a business where I sell them for 6p each and maybe make a bit of profit. Then I can quit my job and sit and watch Pretty Little Liars for the rest of my sad and lonely life.
Ok, maybe not.
Right so I was at the gym, then after I finished the gym I sent a tweet out:
I’m feeling like an accomplished adult today because I’m going to the supermarket and remembered my own bags!
Then I got into my car, looked smugly at the bags on my passenger seat to find they were not there.
Flashback. Me leaving house. Me not picking bags up off table.
So I tweeted.
Scrap the last tweet, left the bags on the table in the kitchen.
I’m 29, yanno. I kind of feel like I went to university at 19 and just never got anymore mature. I guess that happens when you don’t really have any reasons to be mature. I’m single, live in a rented house, I have no kids and all my friends are on the internet. LOLZ.
Here are so me photos of me not being an adult:
And here is a list of things that make me a badult. AKA BAD ADULT:
- I don’t iron. Unless I put something on and it’s really creased, then I’ll iron it there and then. I even shake my work shirts when I take them out of the wash because in my head, that’s enough to beat the creases out.
- I will not answer the phone. Even if I know who it is, I only rarely answer it. Talking on the phone terrifies me. When it rings, I let it go to voicemail. Then I refuse to listen to the voicemail because if someone has left me a voicemail it must be serious, terrible news. Like someone has died. What’s wrong with an old fashioned SMS?
- I am terrified of answering the door. When someone knocks on the door, I freeze. I mean, who knows what’s on the other side? It might be something dangerous, like a human. If I freeze, the human won’t be able to sense me and it will walk away. When I lived in my parents and people came over, I used to actually hide if my parents weren’t in. I remember once the window cleaners came, they usually knock first – so I hid, then the cleaned the windows anyway, so I had to stealthily move from room to room and hide in corners to avoid them.
- My diet consists of things that you can put together cold, like a salad, or things you can just put water on and it makes food. Like smash. I sometimes make things that you warm up, if I’m feeling really adventurous, like soup and toast.
- I leave everything to the last minute. Paying credit card bills, paying road tax or car insurance.. having to book dentist appointments. I know I should just sit down and do it and it will only take 5 minutes, but I just seem to have some sort of mental block.
- I eat in front of my computer. I know that’s bad and you’re supposed to eat at a table but nope, not me. Are table is basically used for putting junk mail and clean washing on.
- I drank dead fish and I’m a vegetarian. Yeah, I’m not even responsible enough to check the ingredients to things I’m putting in my mouth. I was taking a skincare supplement that has fish extract in it and I didn’t realise until I had taken it for 10 days.
- I started saving up for a mortgage and then spent it on going to Disneyland, Florida. I don’t think this needs an explanation. And I don’t regret it.
- I stay up too late. Even if I have to be up really early the next day, I just can’t myself to bed at a responsible time.
- I think poo jokes are really funny. LOL POO. Why did the baker have smelly hands? Because he kneaded a poo. 😀
Here are some more pictures of me not being an adult.
Are you a bad adult? What do you fail at?