Posted on August 6, 2015

On being an emotional female.

lifestyle/ self improvement

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I like to think of myself as an easy going, laid back women. Girl. Women. Girl. I’m 29, so I probably should start referring to myself as a women. Doom.

I’m clearly not laid back about my age. But that’s another story.

Where was I?

Oh, right. Yes.

I’m a female. And with that, comes all sorts of.. yuk. I mean, being a female isn’t the worst thing in the world. You can sometimes play on it – by getting men to carry heavy things for you, or flirt your way to a free drink. Then there’s the dresses and long hair and makeup. All the fun stuff!

Truth is, there’s something really strong willed about me. Something really stubborn. Something so powerful and.. so raging, that I often think of it as a different entity to me entirely.

It’s like having a little monster following me around. Imagine a little stubby thing, all loud and angry at the world. Ready to pounce from behind, grabbing my neck with it’s clammy hands while I try to act normal within the world.

This, my friends, is how I see emotion.

It’s how I see expressing my feelings.

So what I do is, I hit this little critter in the balls, I kick him in the shins until he cries like a little baby. Then I point and laugh and I laugh so much that I cry too.

Then I can’t stop and this is where things get really confusing..

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Girls are crazy. Girls have PMT. Girls are irrational and needy and neurotic self-centred and mental.

I’m sure you’ve heard it all before – this idea that women are driven by emotion, that they’re unable to be objective and are fickle.

This is why I don’t like to express myself too much.

It works out well for me most of the time, but there are sometimes that it can cause me problems.

Sometimes, people are dicks. I’ve known many dicks in my life – friends, work colleagues, family members, boys and so on.

These are the people that do things that hurt you, embarrassing you, make you feel stupid. They make you feel insecure, small, worthless and downtrodden. They’re all so nonchalant and whatever about it.

I’m no victim here – we’ve all been here at some point in our lives.

Like being 5 years old and invited to a friends house to sleep over. Only to find out they invited 4 other girls before you and you were the last resort.

Or like when you were a teenager and your friend said she couldn’t go shopping with you and then you found it it’s because she got a better offer.

Or like when that guy stopped talking to you for the prettier girl or you got taken out of the year 7 hockey team and replaced by someone else.

These are the times that test us – that can break us. How we handle our shit is sometimes a great indicator of our strength, courage, confidence and how well we know ourselves.

There’s always that voice in the back of my head, telling me to hold it in, to pick my battles, to refrain, back up, retreat. Leave it. Let it go.

To not express.

Our of fear of being labelled a nut job, of being over-sensitive or not being able to take a joke.

There’s such a fine line between speaking your mind when your upset and being someone who over-reacts.

There’s such a fine line between being honest and being a bitch.

There’s such a fine line between being hurt and being too emotional.

There’s such a fine line between being understanding and letting someone walk over you.

There’s such a fine line between keeping your cool and being too weak to defend yourself.

I look at myself sometimes, all hurt and disappointed and wonder – will we ever win?

Are you afraid to express yourself?

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24 Comments

  • Reply notesofglam August 6, 2015 at 9:36 am

    Sometimes I’m afraid of expressing myself, because I know people can be really mean sometimes, I am scared people would make fun of me, or just judge me.
    I feel like I am 100% myself just with people I trust or I feel comfortable with.

    http://www.notesofglam95.blogspot.it/

  • Reply Oksana Zolotukhina August 6, 2015 at 11:04 am

    Such a lovely and inspiring post! I’m in total agreement with your thoughts, Corinne))

    http://fairyland111.blogspot.com/

  • Reply Jackie Harrison August 6, 2015 at 11:18 am

    Is good to express yourself I’m not afraid but I’m conservative depending on the situation I keep things to myself.

  • Reply Saskia August 6, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    I think it’s dependent on who you are with. I have had times when work has become tough and I’ve hidden in a room to have a little cry, but when someone caught me, they were like ‘what the hell are you doing – stop crying’. And in that situation, I agree, I need to man up and not be emotional in the workplace (especially with the nature of the work I do). But when I come home to my boyfriend, he is more than OK with me being a bit crazy. I think women’s emotions are a strength for us – we are more likely to reflect and empathise.

    Saskia / girlinbrogues.com
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  • Reply Alissa August 6, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    I’m an emotional female too. Maybe it’s true when they say that girls are complicated. I’m extra moody when I’m on my period. I’ll cry at the littlest things but that’s okay. It’s okay to feel
    Alissa recently posted…Hello August!My Profile

  • Reply Candice August 6, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    A part of me is scared, scared of being judged… I am a very emotional person and wear my emotions on my sleeve..

    Candice | Beauty Candy Loves

  • Reply Leopard and Spice August 6, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    I think its so healthy so express emotions and its a shame the world can sometimes make us feel ashamed of them. We are human, we bleed. Sometimes life drives us mad and its better to release that emotion than bottle it up. Great post X
    Leopard and Spice recently posted…Maternity Fashion: How to Dress for PregnancyMy Profile

  • Reply Danny August 6, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    This one was deep. I feel the need to open myself a little, now. I’m often scared to show my true self or emotions because I fear the judgement of the people I care about, not the one’s I don’t know. It takes me a while to be truly comfortable with someone that I CAN act myself, and trust that these people will understand. Also, your target demo is all wrong. I am your demographic, too!

  • Reply Shireen L. Platt August 6, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    I have never been one who is afraid to express my opinion. I do take into consideration if it’s even worth to open my mouth or will it just be a waste of my time. I guess I’m flirting dangerously in between the line of being honest and a bitch. LOL!

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity
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  • Reply Jhem Arzaga August 6, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    Im sometimes afraid of expressing myself, keeping my emotions hidden, no one knows what I’m thinking, or if I’m hurting.. and it feels so hard for me.. Though I want to express it out, I’m afraid of rejection or judging.. it’s tough but I know I should not be like this way sometimes…

    xoxo
    Jhem | JhemSays.com
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  • Reply Kim August 6, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    This was such a great post! I tell my husband all the time when I am emotional I can hear how crazy I’m being, but I have no control over it! Personally, the older I’ve gotten, the more comfortable I am with expressing my opinions and being who I am and not giving a damn what other people think. As long as you are a good, kind person who cares what others think if they catch you on a bad day? Loved this! XO -Kim
    http://www.thethirtysomethinglife.com

  • Reply stephanie August 6, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    Ah…I cannot tell you how many conversations my husband and I have had, that I either end up, boohioing, cause I’m a girl, or he wishes he’d never ask me, cause “I ramble!” Live the post!
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  • Reply Cammila August 6, 2015 at 7:58 pm

    I think it’s great that you described your experiences in this post. Personally, I’ve never had a hard time expressing myself, but I’m quite an effusive person. Additionally, I find that as long as you have the confidence to express your emotions articulately, as a reaction to a situation being unjust, a person being rude, or some other logical causal origin for your feelings, then the misogynistic label of “emotional female” doesn’t come into play as much.

    Women are conditioned to see their emotions as irrational, hysterical, and weak. When we feel a strong emotion, we’ve been taught that this means all our cognitive abilities must fly out the window. An emotional woman is supposed to be a complete mess, right? But nothing about this is actually true. We’re fully capable of using our brains while we experience our emotions. Men are much more often conditioned to express their emotions with reason. Of course, too often, men are conditioned to express NO emotion, so they express those feelings without admitting that they’re feelings at all. I.e., instead of saying “My boss made my job really hard today and that makes me so upset,” they might just go, “My boss made my job really hard today! He is a &*#($#*@&”.

    Whereas a woman is more conditioned to say almost nothing, at least nothing sane. The woman is taught to either swallow it down and go silent so she doesn’t become a “hysterical female” or flee to the bathroom to sob and simply BE a hysterical female. The woman’s been taught since birth that if she’s experiencing strong feelings, then she has LOST HER MIND and cannot and should not be seen or heard until it’s over.

    I’ve found that all it takes is a little practice to simply NOT unplug your brain when you’re feeling strong emotions. At least for me, it makes it WAY easier to deal with things and not feel helpless. I try to find that middle ground, where I’m not over-rationalizing my feelings (like the dude who never owns his feelings about his boss and just says his boss is a jerk), and not just give over to the hysteria of my emotions with no rational perspective at all (i.e., sobbing in the bathroom without ever mentally walking through exactly why I’m upset and how upset I should be.) For me, acknowledging that I’m upset and that there IS a logical reason for me to feel that way makes life feel a lot more manageable. Anyway, clearly I find this topic really fascinating, so thanks again for posting about it.:)
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    • Reply Corinne August 7, 2015 at 9:31 pm

      Acknowledgement is the best! There’s nothing worse than someone making out it’s not a big deal or that you’re over reacting! Thanks for the fab comment.

  • Reply Akaleistar August 6, 2015 at 10:42 pm

    I love this post! I keep so much inside because it’s easier to do that than try to express myself. Oh, but sometimes it all just has to come out…
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  • Reply Rowena @ rolala loves August 7, 2015 at 2:00 am

    I’m fairly bluntly honest with most of my friends – the ones who can take it anyway. Otherwise I just have to hold back or else risk offending people.
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  • Reply Mica August 7, 2015 at 6:25 am

    I know what you mean – sometimes it’s easier not to show any emotion as best you can. I find that I’m much more guarded at work. But when I’m with friends or family, I let those emotions go as you know you can be yourself and act however you like. It means I might bottle things up for a few hours, but even a phonecall at lunch or letting off some steam over dinner works. We shouldn’t be afraid to express ourselves, our feelings are valid! But it does make sense that sometimes you want to hide them away for a little until you’re in a place where you can let them out.
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  • Reply Rebeca August 8, 2015 at 4:04 am

    Hello Corinne, I have gone through similar situations all believe me at first angered me, I felt hurt and misunderstood but now that I have 37 no longer give much importance to these situations, Is it because I have hardened? hahaha I do not know I guess with an annual capacity lose a little surprised easily.
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  • Reply Lucy August 8, 2015 at 10:37 am

    The trick I learnt, was will this bother you in a week, a month, a year. If it will have a long lasting effect on you say what you are thinking and be honest. If it won’t have a big impact don’t sweat it Lucy x
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  • Reply Olia August 9, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    As a society, we are conditioned to place labels on people but we don’t all fit (and definitely don’t need to!) in a mold. The same way as women are labeled “sensitive” men are put down for showing their emotion.

    I personally feel open with my emotions and feel comfortable to express myself, but also I feel I am and have always been a private person and tend to keep a lot to myself. As I grow older, I’ve noticed I’ve become more balanced with my thoughts and emotions and not so much on the verge of an emotional crisis as I have been in my teens and early twenties.

  • Reply Arianne August 13, 2015 at 3:46 am

    All my life, I’ve suppressed every feeling I’ve had and replaced it with indifference and anger. Now that I’m in therapy, I’m learning to embrace the emotions and let them out when they want to come out… It makes me feel so much lighter and better about myself..
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  • Reply Sassy November 29, 2015 at 11:07 am

    Being emotional can be really hard because people will label you quickly.
    I find it funny, though, that especially men who are great at calling someone’s emotional behaviour out, are the ones who act the weirdest when they get emotional. One day, the say “Oh, don’t be such a cow. It was just a joke” when they said something mean while we were in a bad mood and the next day they’re like “Ah, just stop it! I’m in a bad mood. Stop making jokes” … and those are the harmless situations. No need to say, the situation gets worse when you tell them that they’ve done the very same thing to you yesterday. “No, that was something else. You were just a cow.” Ah okay.
    Women are just predestined to be labeled as being an emotional and crazy human being. I don’t know why, but that’s why I try to hide it most of the time …
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  • Reply OneDizzyBee December 22, 2015 at 12:18 am

    I’m fifty years old, and yet, I can still relate to this post. At 29, I was terrified of being thought a bitch, or opinionated, or a complainer, a ball-breaker…any one of a dozen derogatory terms people (men) might use to describe my behavior. I learned to shut down, to wear a neutral face, keep it all in except with those closest to me. It wasn’t until about a year ago that something changed. I can’t put my finger on it. I think it was just being “of an age”. I only wish I hadn’t waited so long to let the genie out of the bottle.

  • Reply LindaLibraLoca December 22, 2015 at 5:48 am

    I feel like the surrounding is a very important factor. I am very emotional, to a point where my husband sometimes feels like he can’t take it any longer, but I have learned throughout the years that this is who I am. If I don’t express my feelings, they eat me up, and I am more likely to explode a little later for a minor reason. Strength is for me admitting to myself WHY I really feel the way I do. Not always nice, realizing that you are jealous, insecure or the likes.
    But when I am at work, I rarely share my emotions. I work with mostly men, and emotions are still considered a weakness there.
    So I guess it depends on where I am. And to be honest, I never feel like I am a bitch. My negative emotions are accompanied by the same amount of positive ones: Love, care, joy, empathy. You just can’t have one.
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