Posted on August 13, 2015

How to deal when you drift away from your friends.

lifestyle/ self improvement

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How many best friends have you had in your life?

I’ve had multiple during my lifetime. Many that I no longer talk to. For various reasons. Such as:

  • I moved away and lost contact.
  • They got into relationships and didn’t have time to be as close.
  • They started families.
  • They started some other big chapter of their life.
  • Our interests changed and we drifted apart.

What can be particularly hard is when you can feel your friend drifting away from you and you don’t want them to. And you can’t stop it.

There have been times in my life when I’ve fought hard to keep dying friendships alive. There’s been times when I’ve held a lot of self-hate inside myself over fading relationships because I blame myself. I blame who I am, how I act, how I look.

Insecurities rush in. Cliche phrases seep into my vocabulary. Why to people closest to me always leave me? You know, the phrases that make you cringe when you hear other people say them.

Oh man, it makes me feel like shit. Every single time.

friends

Here’s somethings to remember when you’re drifting apart from someone:

1. The right place and time. 

We all need different things at different points in our life. Something that brought you an a person together may at some point no longer be needed.

For example, you both may have been going through an experience that brought you close together – your common ground. Now those experiences have passed, your friendship might also.

2. Stay loyal and trustworthy.

It’s normal for friendships to go stale, cold or maybe get a little bitter. If you find this is happening to you, remember to stay loyal and trust worthy.

You may have new friends now, but it’s important to keep the things from your old friendship in confidence. Not just for your old friends sake, but, you know, because it’s the right thing to do.

Gossiping about other people only gives overs the impression you’ll do the same about them in time.

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3. Don’t be afraid to reach out in the future.

You don’t have to be best friends, joined at the hip anymore. But a Facebook message or text asking for s/he’s doing isn’t a bad thing!

4. Don’t blame yourself.

Other peoples actions are not a reflection of you. There may be multiple reasons for a friend to grow apart. Remind yourself it’s natural.

5. Promise yourself you’ll be around in the future.

A common experience with my friends when I was much younger, is that they would get a boyfriend,  they would become consumed with them and stop making an effort with their friends.

I’d hear comments from others within my friendship group, about how they wouldn’t be there when it call goes wrong, when the relationship is in tatters and she’s wanting to run back to us..

Well, I always promised to be there.

I’d like to think someone would do the same for me.

6. Don’t let other’s opinions of you ruin your opinion of yourself.

When people dislike you, it’s hard. It’s hard to think about others might be talking about your behind your back.

Hello, paranoid. This is me.

It can be slightly harder when these feelings of negativity are coming towards someone you used to regard as a best friend.

It’s important to remember that it’s your opinion that matters above all. You improve that by being the best you that you can be, and the rest will follow…

Have you ever gone through this? How did you cope?

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36 Comments

  • Reply Katharina @ Kate goes Global August 13, 2015 at 9:20 am

    Ive drifted away from some of my best friends because I moved abroad. However, each time I return to Madrid (where we met at Uni), I always reach out to let them know and ask if they want to go for dinner / a coffee / drinks. I don’t hold it against them if for any reason they can’t make it those days – after all, we all have our own schedules and agendas. I know that we are still there for each other – just on a slightly different way 🙂
    Katharina @ Kate goes Global recently posted…My Camino: notes and snapshots of Asturias (Spain)My Profile

    • Reply Corinne August 15, 2015 at 11:19 pm

      It’s great that you still get to see some of them from time to time though 🙂

  • Reply Georgiana August 13, 2015 at 10:26 am

    I`ve drifted away from so many friends. At first that made me sad, but then I realized that it was for the better. We were friends in high-school, now we changed and we dont have things in common anymore. I still remain close with my best friends and even though we don`t communicate that often anymore, we“re still there for each other.
    Georgiana recently posted…Packing for ParisMy Profile

    • Reply Corinne August 15, 2015 at 11:19 pm

      Yeah, there are a lot of high school friends that I never speak to anymore!

  • Reply Jessica August 13, 2015 at 10:27 am

    awww. this is so heartwarming. thanks for this post 🙂 *going to call my friends now. sniff sniff ;D

    Jessica | notjessfashion.com
    Jessica recently posted…MIDSUMMER DREAMMy Profile

  • Reply Jhem Arzaga August 13, 2015 at 10:56 am

    Though I and my friends don’t have a frequent meet ups or conversations because we’re far from each other, and some have their work from afar, have their new family, we’re still the same friends we used to, the most important is you’re not changed by distance. We still reach out especially if we need each other. We don’t have to communicate regularly just to say we’re still friends, cos we’re all grown up and have other things or priorities to put on first. As long as you’re confident you’ve got a friend, not only for party times but by heart.
    It’s such a good read, btw.. many can relate about this post.

    xoxo
    Jhem | JhemSays.com
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    • Reply Corinne August 15, 2015 at 11:20 pm

      That’s a really good point 🙂

  • Reply Jackie Harrison August 13, 2015 at 12:01 pm

    I have not lost contact when you have real friends they in your life forever and when they are intimidated, jealous or envy person they are their temporary.

  • Reply Candice August 13, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    I’ve only ever had one best friend we grew up together and eventhough I don’t see her option she will always be a sister to me

    Candice | Beauty Candy Loves

  • Reply Sandra August 13, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    Cool look! Have a nice day 🙂

    I follow you!
    If you comment my post, I will comment your five posts!
    http://www.sandrakopko.com/2015/08/millybridal-part-two.html

  • Reply Anca August 13, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    I’m 32 and I moved 3.5 years ago in another country, so a lot of my past friendships drifted away. Sadly, It’s not something I can do about it.
    I had wonderful friends when I was 17-18, but now I like in UK and they live in the same place with 3 kids, so we don’t have much in common at the moment. This is life, we change and we have to find other friends for our new-us.
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    • Reply Corinne August 15, 2015 at 11:21 pm

      Yeah, I’ve had to do that a lot – find friends for the new me 🙂

  • Reply Sharon August 13, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    I think I’m one of those terrible people that drifts apart from people really easily, so much so that a few years ago I barely had any real friends at all.

    It’s made me more determined to keep up with people I genuinely like though. Even now my friends are fairly few in number, but I’m happy with that at this stage in my life 🙂

    Sharon x
    Sharon recently posted…Work It Out Wednesday #4 | Keeping Myself MotivatedMy Profile

    • Reply Corinne August 15, 2015 at 11:22 pm

      Yeah I’m the same. I can be quite fickle and I’m a homebody so prefer to spend my time off on my own at home! Time to start creating some memories, though 🙂

  • Reply Akaleistar August 13, 2015 at 8:55 pm

    It’s so hard when you drift apart from people. The only thing I like about Facebook anymore is that it lets me stay in contact with people who have moved away or people who are now just casual friends.
    Akaleistar recently posted…Stripes and ChambrayMy Profile

    • Reply Corinne August 15, 2015 at 11:23 pm

      Yeah, that’s good, when you can get past all the spam that’s on there!

  • Reply Sarah August 13, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    I’ve just been writing up something similar to this *insert Twilight zone music*. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I didn’t have the best experience with friends growing up, I mean I had friends, but they’d drop you quicker than they’d catch you if the caught a boys eye or the more popular girls in school suddenly wanted to talk to them. Pretty shitty really. But shit happens.

    Things have changed as I’ve got older. I wait around less, I make an effort to keep friendships alive but if the other person doesn’t make that same effort, I have no problems cutting ties anymore. We only have so much time, I don’t want to waste it on people who couldn’t really give a damn!

    Sarah 🙂
    Saloca in Wonderland
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    • Reply Corinne August 15, 2015 at 11:23 pm

      It feels like things have changed for the better! Link me to your post when it’s done 🙂

  • Reply Suze The Luxury Columnist August 13, 2015 at 10:22 pm

    It’s sad when this happens but I would say that friends can grow away and then back again. It’s worth stayin =g in touch even if superficially as things may improve in time
    Suze The Luxury Columnist recently posted…Safari and Beach in Tanzania – Best of Both WorldsMy Profile

  • Reply emma August 13, 2015 at 11:56 pm

    I’ve never had a best friend and i havent had friends for 4 years, sad isnt it?
    emma recently posted…Birthday Wish List =]My Profile

  • Reply Lucy August 14, 2015 at 12:20 am

    Trying to false a friendship never works, best to grow, develop, change and be happy for one another, special friends no matter how long it has been will always be therefore one another. I went all the way across Ireland for a frienss wedding and we speak maybe twice a year. But when we do it is like we have never been apart Lucy x
    Lucy recently posted…A new chapterMy Profile

    • Reply Corinne August 15, 2015 at 11:28 pm

      You’re right about not being able to fake a friendship. You have to know when it’s time to move on.

  • Reply Rowena @ rolala loves August 14, 2015 at 2:15 am

    Staying in contact with friends definitely takes some effort especially since I’m married and most of my friends are also married. I still meet up with my best friend from high school every now and then and it always feels like no time has passed when we get together.
    Rowena @ rolala loves recently posted…Derma E Evenly Radiant Brightening SerumMy Profile

  • Reply Vanessa August 14, 2015 at 2:24 am

    Wonderful post. ^^
    New outfit is online…

  • Reply Kel August 14, 2015 at 11:19 am

    I’ve lost so many friends that the only explanation is that I’m no good and don’t deserve them….
    Kel recently posted…The Mill Race Teashop, Aysgarth, North YorkshireMy Profile

    • Reply Jessica August 14, 2015 at 12:13 pm

      NOT TRUE AT ALL

      xx

  • Reply Jessica August 14, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    I am always slightly in awe of people who are still friends with someone they met when they were about 2 years old. I’ve never been like that and I don’t have many old friends. However that doesn’t mean I don’t currently have awesome friends and I also have many friends who I can not see for years, then see them and nothing has changed.
    Jessica recently posted…5 Wishlist Travel DestinationsMy Profile

    • Reply Corinne August 15, 2015 at 11:29 pm

      I’m one of your awesome friends, right?

  • Reply KizzyDoll August 14, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    This has happened to me a lot over the years, it just does and sometimes you can put it back together, but sometimes you can’t and that’s ok too. Ones that can stay for the longest or come back to you are the ones worth thinking on!! Happy Friday doll, have a great weekend xx
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  • Reply Krithi Marla August 15, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    they don’t have time for you is the common reason for drifting away and it creates distance
    good post Corrine
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  • Reply Adaleta Avdic August 15, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    This post is perfect for me right now because I’ve definitely drifted away from people recently, especially since I’ve decided to pursue my blogging & YouTubing to a more intense degree! Thank you for sharing as this is very helpful! xx adaatude.com

    • Reply Corinne August 15, 2015 at 11:31 pm

      I hope your blogging and youtubing goes well!

  • Reply Jess W August 16, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    This an amazing, helpful post – thank you x I’ve drifted away from two of my best friends, and sometimes I feel sad thinking about it, but sometimes I feel happy as I reminisce about the fun times we had and the memories we shared.

    Jess
    http://springbaby06.blogspot.com
    xx
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  • Reply India August 19, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    I don’t have much time for blogging atm but we’re still blog friends 🙂 I’m going to make a media kit soon too using your guide woo! Xx
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  • Reply Liz August 19, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    All of this is so true… I guess as I’ve gotten older I’ve gone through this a few times and have tried to take it less personally. But it’s hard! Especially when you miss the friendship.

    Liz x
    Distract Me Now Please

  • Reply Elizabeth Rebecca August 23, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    I think the thing that I always think is that we’ve drifted apart but we could always drift back together.

    Lizzie Dripping
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