How many best friends have you had in your life?
I’ve had multiple during my lifetime. Many that I no longer talk to. For various reasons. Such as:
- I moved away and lost contact.
- They got into relationships and didn’t have time to be as close.
- They started families.
- They started some other big chapter of their life.
- Our interests changed and we drifted apart.
What can be particularly hard is when you can feel your friend drifting away from you and you don’t want them to. And you can’t stop it.
There have been times in my life when I’ve fought hard to keep dying friendships alive. There’s been times when I’ve held a lot of self-hate inside myself over fading relationships because I blame myself. I blame who I am, how I act, how I look.
Insecurities rush in. Cliche phrases seep into my vocabulary. Why to people closest to me always leave me? You know, the phrases that make you cringe when you hear other people say them.
Oh man, it makes me feel like shit. Every single time.
Here’s somethings to remember when you’re drifting apart from someone:
1. The right place and time.
We all need different things at different points in our life. Something that brought you an a person together may at some point no longer be needed.
For example, you both may have been going through an experience that brought you close together – your common ground. Now those experiences have passed, your friendship might also.
2. Stay loyal and trustworthy.
It’s normal for friendships to go stale, cold or maybe get a little bitter. If you find this is happening to you, remember to stay loyal and trust worthy.
You may have new friends now, but it’s important to keep the things from your old friendship in confidence. Not just for your old friends sake, but, you know, because it’s the right thing to do.
Gossiping about other people only gives overs the impression you’ll do the same about them in time.
3. Don’t be afraid to reach out in the future.
You don’t have to be best friends, joined at the hip anymore. But a Facebook message or text asking for s/he’s doing isn’t a bad thing!
4. Don’t blame yourself.
Other peoples actions are not a reflection of you. There may be multiple reasons for a friend to grow apart. Remind yourself it’s natural.
5. Promise yourself you’ll be around in the future.
A common experience with my friends when I was much younger, is that they would get a boyfriend, they would become consumed with them and stop making an effort with their friends.
I’d hear comments from others within my friendship group, about how they wouldn’t be there when it call goes wrong, when the relationship is in tatters and she’s wanting to run back to us..
Well, I always promised to be there.
I’d like to think someone would do the same for me.
6. Don’t let other’s opinions of you ruin your opinion of yourself.
When people dislike you, it’s hard. It’s hard to think about others might be talking about your behind your back.
Hello, paranoid. This is me.
It can be slightly harder when these feelings of negativity are coming towards someone you used to regard as a best friend.
It’s important to remember that it’s your opinion that matters above all. You improve that by being the best you that you can be, and the rest will follow…
Have you ever gone through this? How did you cope?