How many best friends have you had in your life?
I’ve had multiple during my lifetime. Many that I no longer talk to. For various reasons. Such as:
- I moved away and lost contact.
- They got into relationships and didn’t have time to be as close.
- They started families.
- They started some other big chapter of their life.
- Our interests changed and we drifted apart.
What can be particularly hard is when you can feel your friend drifting away from you and you don’t want them to. And you can’t stop it.
There have been times in my life when I’ve fought hard to keep dying friendships alive. There’s been times when I’ve held a lot of self-hate inside myself over fading relationships because I blame myself. I blame who I am, how I act, how I look.
Insecurities rush in. Cliche phrases seep into my vocabulary. Why to people closest to me always leave me? You know, the phrases that make you cringe when you hear other people say them.
Oh man, it makes me feel like shit. Every single time.
Here’s somethings to remember when you’re drifting apart from someone:
1. The right place and time.
We all need different things at different points in our life. Something that brought you an a person together may at some point no longer be needed.
For example, you both may have been going through an experience that brought you close together – your common ground. Now those experiences have passed, your friendship might also.
2. Stay loyal and trustworthy.
It’s normal for friendships to go stale, cold or maybe get a little bitter. If you find this is happening to you, remember to stay loyal and trust worthy.
You may have new friends now, but it’s important to keep the things from your old friendship in confidence. Not just for your old friends sake, but, you know, because it’s the right thing to do.
Gossiping about other people only gives overs the impression you’ll do the same about them in time.
3. Don’t be afraid to reach out in the future.
You don’t have to be best friends, joined at the hip anymore. But a Facebook message or text asking for s/he’s doing isn’t a bad thing!
4. Don’t blame yourself.
Other peoples actions are not a reflection of you. There may be multiple reasons for a friend to grow apart. Remind yourself it’s natural.
5. Promise yourself you’ll be around in the future.
A common experience with my friends when I was much younger, is that they would get a boyfriend, they would become consumed with them and stop making an effort with their friends.
I’d hear comments from others within my friendship group, about how they wouldn’t be there when it call goes wrong, when the relationship is in tatters and she’s wanting to run back to us..
Well, I always promised to be there.
I’d like to think someone would do the same for me.
6. Don’t let other’s opinions of you ruin your opinion of yourself.
When people dislike you, it’s hard. It’s hard to think about others might be talking about your behind your back.
Hello, paranoid. This is me.
It can be slightly harder when these feelings of negativity are coming towards someone you used to regard as a best friend.
It’s important to remember that it’s your opinion that matters above all. You improve that by being the best you that you can be, and the rest will follow…
Have you ever gone through this? How did you cope?
Ive drifted away from some of my best friends because I moved abroad. However, each time I return to Madrid (where we met at Uni), I always reach out to let them know and ask if they want to go for dinner / a coffee / drinks. I don’t hold it against them if for any reason they can’t make it those days – after all, we all have our own schedules and agendas. I know that we are still there for each other – just on a slightly different way 🙂
Katharina @ Kate goes Global recently posted…My Camino: notes and snapshots of Asturias (Spain)
It’s great that you still get to see some of them from time to time though 🙂
I`ve drifted away from so many friends. At first that made me sad, but then I realized that it was for the better. We were friends in high-school, now we changed and we dont have things in common anymore. I still remain close with my best friends and even though we don`t communicate that often anymore, we“re still there for each other.
Georgiana recently posted…Packing for Paris
Yeah, there are a lot of high school friends that I never speak to anymore!
awww. this is so heartwarming. thanks for this post 🙂 *going to call my friends now. sniff sniff ;D
Jessica | notjessfashion.com
Jessica recently posted…MIDSUMMER DREAM
Though I and my friends don’t have a frequent meet ups or conversations because we’re far from each other, and some have their work from afar, have their new family, we’re still the same friends we used to, the most important is you’re not changed by distance. We still reach out especially if we need each other. We don’t have to communicate regularly just to say we’re still friends, cos we’re all grown up and have other things or priorities to put on first. As long as you’re confident you’ve got a friend, not only for party times but by heart.
It’s such a good read, btw.. many can relate about this post.
xoxo
Jhem | JhemSays.com
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That’s a really good point 🙂
I have not lost contact when you have real friends they in your life forever and when they are intimidated, jealous or envy person they are their temporary.
I’ve only ever had one best friend we grew up together and eventhough I don’t see her option she will always be a sister to me
Candice | Beauty Candy Loves
Cool look! Have a nice day 🙂
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I’m 32 and I moved 3.5 years ago in another country, so a lot of my past friendships drifted away. Sadly, It’s not something I can do about it.
I had wonderful friends when I was 17-18, but now I like in UK and they live in the same place with 3 kids, so we don’t have much in common at the moment. This is life, we change and we have to find other friends for our new-us.
Anca recently posted…10 Good things
Yeah, I’ve had to do that a lot – find friends for the new me 🙂
I think I’m one of those terrible people that drifts apart from people really easily, so much so that a few years ago I barely had any real friends at all.
It’s made me more determined to keep up with people I genuinely like though. Even now my friends are fairly few in number, but I’m happy with that at this stage in my life 🙂
Sharon x
Sharon recently posted…Work It Out Wednesday #4 | Keeping Myself Motivated
Yeah I’m the same. I can be quite fickle and I’m a homebody so prefer to spend my time off on my own at home! Time to start creating some memories, though 🙂
It’s so hard when you drift apart from people. The only thing I like about Facebook anymore is that it lets me stay in contact with people who have moved away or people who are now just casual friends.
Akaleistar recently posted…Stripes and Chambray
Yeah, that’s good, when you can get past all the spam that’s on there!
I’ve just been writing up something similar to this *insert Twilight zone music*. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I didn’t have the best experience with friends growing up, I mean I had friends, but they’d drop you quicker than they’d catch you if the caught a boys eye or the more popular girls in school suddenly wanted to talk to them. Pretty shitty really. But shit happens.
Things have changed as I’ve got older. I wait around less, I make an effort to keep friendships alive but if the other person doesn’t make that same effort, I have no problems cutting ties anymore. We only have so much time, I don’t want to waste it on people who couldn’t really give a damn!
Sarah 🙂
Saloca in Wonderland
Sarah recently posted…ESPA Beauty in the Bag
It feels like things have changed for the better! Link me to your post when it’s done 🙂
It’s sad when this happens but I would say that friends can grow away and then back again. It’s worth stayin =g in touch even if superficially as things may improve in time
Suze The Luxury Columnist recently posted…Safari and Beach in Tanzania – Best of Both Worlds
I’ve never had a best friend and i havent had friends for 4 years, sad isnt it?
emma recently posted…Birthday Wish List =]
Trying to false a friendship never works, best to grow, develop, change and be happy for one another, special friends no matter how long it has been will always be therefore one another. I went all the way across Ireland for a frienss wedding and we speak maybe twice a year. But when we do it is like we have never been apart Lucy x
Lucy recently posted…A new chapter
You’re right about not being able to fake a friendship. You have to know when it’s time to move on.
Staying in contact with friends definitely takes some effort especially since I’m married and most of my friends are also married. I still meet up with my best friend from high school every now and then and it always feels like no time has passed when we get together.
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Wonderful post. ^^
New outfit is online…
I’ve lost so many friends that the only explanation is that I’m no good and don’t deserve them….
Kel recently posted…The Mill Race Teashop, Aysgarth, North Yorkshire
NOT TRUE AT ALL
xx
I am always slightly in awe of people who are still friends with someone they met when they were about 2 years old. I’ve never been like that and I don’t have many old friends. However that doesn’t mean I don’t currently have awesome friends and I also have many friends who I can not see for years, then see them and nothing has changed.
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I’m one of your awesome friends, right?
This has happened to me a lot over the years, it just does and sometimes you can put it back together, but sometimes you can’t and that’s ok too. Ones that can stay for the longest or come back to you are the ones worth thinking on!! Happy Friday doll, have a great weekend xx
KizzyDoll recently posted…Friday Favourites!!!
they don’t have time for you is the common reason for drifting away and it creates distance
good post Corrine
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This post is perfect for me right now because I’ve definitely drifted away from people recently, especially since I’ve decided to pursue my blogging & YouTubing to a more intense degree! Thank you for sharing as this is very helpful! xx adaatude.com
I hope your blogging and youtubing goes well!
This an amazing, helpful post – thank you x I’ve drifted away from two of my best friends, and sometimes I feel sad thinking about it, but sometimes I feel happy as I reminisce about the fun times we had and the memories we shared.
Jess
http://springbaby06.blogspot.com
xx
Jess W recently posted…This Or That Tag
I don’t have much time for blogging atm but we’re still blog friends 🙂 I’m going to make a media kit soon too using your guide woo! Xx
India recently posted…Paul Mitchell’s Ultimate Big Night
All of this is so true… I guess as I’ve gotten older I’ve gone through this a few times and have tried to take it less personally. But it’s hard! Especially when you miss the friendship.
Liz x
Distract Me Now Please
I think the thing that I always think is that we’ve drifted apart but we could always drift back together.
Lizzie Dripping
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